In terms of addiction (and probably any uncontrollable repetitive behavior), I've come to this conclusion about things.
You can ask the 'why' about the behavior. You can trace back years and years and maybe even find the cause. But that really doesn't fix anything.
You can fill your mirror and notebooks with sticky notes full of encouraging quotes and scripture verses. But that really gets you nowhere at the end of the day.
You can blame your circumstances for your behavior and claim that if only things were different, the behavior would change. But then you change jobs or move towns and you're still you.
So, my conclusion is this. The details of why your addiction is there is irrelevant. Helpful in seeing the big picture, maybe. But as far as fixing things--irrelevant. The reality is that a serious of circumstances have brought you were you are, and all you can do is take ownership for the fact that you now have an addiction. Now, the only person who can fix it is you. It's your choice to take it in your hands, with the grace you know God has bestowed upon you, and make day by day choices that turn your addiction from something that controls you into something that you control.
It's not about who or what caused it. It's not even about the substance itself. It's about you owning your life. When this revelation hits the heart of an addict, it's powerful. Because striving after finding the right 'remedy' ceases. It's no longer the right step-by-step plan, the right key to unlocking your past or anything like that--it's your choices. Your present choices. Which way are you going to take them? Your next chance to decide will probably be in the next 5 minutes. May God help me and us to make the right one. I think He's the only one who can. It's weird when you realize that nothing in you is able to make the right choice...but suddenly, after desperate supplication to an invisible God and meditation on scripture your soul suddenly has the power to say no to the things that have so easily wooed it once before. The Holy Spirit transforms, heals and helps. But...doesn't move our mountains for us. He, like a gentlemen, still leaves everything in our hands, but offers a gentle whispering in our ears of guidance and hope. Beautiful, huh?
"You are the mother
the mother of your baby child
the one to whom you gave life
and you have your choices
and these are what make man great
his ladder to the stars"
--Timshel, Mumford & Sons
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2 comments:
I totally agree with you on the retro-introspection of our sin. (I'll just call it sin for simplicity sake, because ultimately thats what it comes back to.) We are rebellious and want to rebel. It doesn't matter where it came from, ultimately, it matters only how we respond to it.
I think the only important detail of sin or addiction the idolization of it. We value addictions (or product of addictions) more than we value God. And/Or let them give us value instead of finding value/worth in Christ.
A thought on "It's about you owning your life.": it's kind of about "owning" and "completely disowning" simultaneously, for those in Christ. For the nonbeliever, taking ownership can be about wanting more for themselves, for their loved ones, which is good if this addiction is something destroying them. But for the believer, it's about letting go completely of the flesh and letting the Spirit take over. Taking complete ownership of surrender. Haha, that doesn't make any sense on one level, but complete sense in another.
The latter half of your last paragraph is really beautiful. Really well put. Thanks for getting me thinking this morning!
Thanks for being so honest! I know you don't know me but I will be up at the Salem YWAM this summer volunteering in the COD! I hope to meet you and hope you know that your words are beautiful and rare. Coming from someone who has dealt with an eating disorder for 4 1/2 years, addiction really hits home. Thanks for your willingness to share this revelation :)
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