Two Weeks Of Juice

Today marks the day of my longest juice fast yet. Fourteen days. I'd say that's impressive. I guess.
So I woke up this morning, at 9 am, got an Ezekial sprouted grain tortilla, put some almond butter on it, drank some coffee...I was expecting my taste buds to explode. Didn't really happen. I was expecting tons of energy. Didn't really happen. Instead I actually got depressed. My stomach was full. I now have access to any and all food I want, really. That doesn't make me excited. It makes me feel a little overfed.
I think there's something interesting that happens during a juice fast. You never realize all you learn or experience until you take your first bite of food again. I was reflecting during the fast, wondering what I was learning, and honestly, I couldn't think of much. I didn't feel transformed. I didn't feel connected to God, at all. Which really shocked me. Because when you willingly lay down food, something that is such a comfort for so long, you expect God to just flood in. But he didn't. I just felt normal. Not like he was close, or like he was far away. Just normal. Level. Steady.
But then today I ate food again. It tasted good for like five seconds and then it was nothing special. I was disappointed. And then, for the first time in two weeks...I felt God rush in. That familiar feeling that I can never describe fully to anyone, that feeling of my soul groaning and my heart being emptied, yet being comforted somehow by something that I can't pinpoint. What did I feel like he was saying? That my fast, although it was a bold move, is not the fix that I wanted it to be. It didn't bring freedom and release like I thought it would. Maybe it could, at another time. I know fasts are powerful. But this one was simply a prelude to a butt-load of healing and challenges to come. I'm at the beginning of something. Not the end.
How do I feel about that? Frustrated. And annoyed. And tired. But the more I try at this whole thing, the more I realize that something else besides me is guiding the perfect timing for my healing. And I'm a little out of control in all of this. Not in a way that makes me feel chaotic, but a way that makes me feel peace actually.
So...imma let it roll. Let it be.
And if you want to go out for coffee or greek food or salad or hummus or something...I can do that now.