Growing Affection

"The especial glory of Affection is that it can unite those who most emphatically, even comically, are not; people who, if they had not found themselves put down by fate in the same household or community, would have had nothing to do with each other. If Affection grows out of this--of course it often does not--their eyes begin to open. Growing fond of "old so-and-so," at first simply because he happens to be there, I presently begin to see that there is "something in him" after all. The moment when one first says, really meaning it, that though he is not "my sort of man" he is a very good man "in his own way" is one of liberation. It does not feel like that; we may feel only tolerant and indulgent. But really we have crossed a frontier. That "in his own way" means that we are getting beyond our own idiosyncrasies, that we are learning to appreciate goodness or intelligence in themselves, not merely goodness or intelligence flavoured and served to suit our own palate."

C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

I firmly believe you can grow to like anyone. At least a little bit. Maybe not everyone would prove to be a healthy relationship in your life--but there is a bit of fondness to be found in every person, if you dig deep enough. I kind of love that.
Also, don't forget--if you're fond of someone, even a little bit, be sure to tell them.

Being A Victim In Your Relationship With God

"Lets say you have a problem with one of your friends. To resolve it, you don't run around behind their back, asking everyone else what's wrong with that person, what they're thinking, what's making them act a certain way, never intending to actually confront them, right? If you do that, you know deep down nothing will ever get resolved. You know the best thing to do, the thing you ultimately have to do, is to go to that person and talk to them. Doing anything else causes unnecessary problems. So, what do you think you're supposed to do when you have a problem with God?"

...Oh.

I've had a very interesting process the last few months. I've always struggled with doubts regarding Christianity and God, but lately it's been coming on really strong. Being a Christian in a largely post-modern society can be extremely difficult. And post-modern thinking can be extremely convincing. Reading up on it has caused a stir in me. My main question has been, how do I know any of what I believe is actually real and not simply created within my mind? I still don't have an answer--it remains a big question. I think to myself, how can I continue on with Christianity as I have been with such a big question in the way; with the possibility that everything I'm feeling and experiencing may not be real? Consequently, I began avoiding prayer, reading scripture, church...all with the attitude, "What's the point? There's no way for me to prove any of this." My unbelief really hardened my heart.


But I won't lie, I also hid it really well. I mean, it's easy to voice that you're doubting, but it's not so easy to voice that you've stopped praying or that you're Bible has been collecting dust. I met up with a friend of mine recently. She's one of those people that sees right through anything. It's no use having a guard up around her. We got to talking about the trip I'm taking soon, and why I'm doing the school, etc...everything spilled out about my doubts, fears... then she said what I quoted at the beginning of this post. It dumbfounded me. Duh. Why had I been so resistant to simply sitting in God's presence? Probably because I was comfortable in my anger, in my victim mentality. But something about my friend's advice brought my immaturity and childishness out into the light and I knew I couldn't keep doing what I was doing. I came home, repented, communed with the Holy Spirit and realized something huge: My choice to harden my heart was causing the presence of God to cease in my life, therefore solidifying any doubts I had about him. If there's one thing that can stop the movement of God, it's a hard heart. My anger and unbelief was no one's fault but mine. I was perpetuating my pain by choosing to remain a victim.

Granted, this isn't the case in every situation of spiritual dryness--sometimes God just feels far away. And there's nothing we can do about it. But for me, I was being an asshole. And someone had the guts to tell me. Don't be an asshole. It's really easy to get caught up in arrogance with God, stomping our feet and demanding for a sign. When really, God's more focused on our character and heart. Him showing up at our demand would only enable us to be even more childish.

He's knows how to handle us.