Calling Out Growth

This post stems from the one I wrote a couple weeks ago, about voicing love. But this time, I want to talk about pulling out specific qualities in your friends and naming them, and what kind of power that carries.

I remember in the summer of 2010, I had just come on staff to YWAM Salem. Even though I had been there before, had incredible times, and made many friends, being on staff felt very odd, disillusioning and lonely. It was kind of a shock, and to be honest, and I felt very small. I wondered what impact I could make there, if I could make any at all. I had no direction as to why I was there, I was only there because I felt God nudge me to go. So, I was feeling pretty aimless.
One day I was at lunch and sitting with someone that I admire a lot, someone who is probably one of the top 3 biggest influences in my life. And we're just sitting there, chatting, and suddenly he said, "You know, Becky...I see so much growth in you. I was telling someone I mentor the other day of the importance of taking spirituality seriously, and I said to them, 'You know someone who does that? Becky Sanders.'"
It caught me off guard. I said, "What? Really?"
He said, "Definitely. I know you can't see it, but you've come a long way."
There were a few reasons this was a big deal to me. #1. I admire this person a great deal. #2. I was in the midst of a major dry season, spiritually. #3. I felt like I had actually been regressing instead of progressing. He went on to list more things he was noticing in me, and I remember sitting there, first of all extremely humbled, but second of all, SO encouraged. It was like his words were bringing to life another side of me that I didn't think would ever be able to take breath, because of all my downfalls, failures and repeated mistakes. By declaring my strengths, this person was becoming a life giver for me. Like I said in my previous post, there is not only so much power in knowing someone likes you for you, but there's HUGE power in specifically naming someone's growth points and calling them out.

So, again, here is a task for you: Find a friend. Your best friend. Or someone that you know very well, someone you've been able to observe, someone you're close enough to that you have the authority to be able to call out the growth you're seeing. Sit them down. Name the specific things you see (increased awareness, confidence, greater peace, better skills at something they're pursuing, etc). Mean what you say. Don't water it down with flowery speech and sappy sentiment (unless that person is into that kind of thing). And then take a step back and watch how calling those things forth causes your friend to be able to not only dwell in those growth points, but transform in a greater way than if no one had noticed.

Start paying attention to where you're friends minds and hearts are headed. Be conscious of your ability to be a life giver. And tell them when they're moving on the up and up.

The Power of Voicing Love

Have you ever had someone like you? A friend, I mean. And not just like you, as in they can stand you, but like you, as in they love everything about you: they think you're hilarious, they love your personality, they can't get enough of you.

Man, I love friends like that.

Why? Because when I know someone likes me, it brings out the best in me. I don't have to worry about saying the right thing, saying the wrong thing...or even saying anything, necessarily. When I know someone likes me, I let down all of my guards, and all of my defenses because I know that in the mind of that person, I can do no wrong. I can be myself. How freeing is that?

Now, I would assume this is true for most people. Everyone loves to be liked. It's the best.

But how often do you, when you really enjoy someone, tell them so? There's a proverb in the Bible, Proverbs 27:5 that says, "Better an open rebuke than love carefully concealed." Thank you Cynthia Stevens, to opening my eyes to the gorgeous truth behind this verse. I think I've always thought of this verse in terms of romantic love, but, lately, I'm seeing how powerful it can be in platonic friendships. And just to clear up some confusion, I'm not really talking about encouragement here--I can encourage any random person on any random thing if someone asked me to. And honestly, that kind of obligatory crap would cheapen this verse. I'm talking about when you're just really fond of someone. I'm talking about those people (and we all have 'em) that we just carry an unexplainable partiality towards. We just like them. We can't explain why. They just warm our hearts when they come into view. When their name is spoken, we feel a fondness. When we see a missed call from them, we get excited to call them back. Those kinds of people are special, and don't come around very often. What if that person, that person you love so dearly, has no idea the extent in which they're loved by you? What if you, simply voicing that fact, would open up a world of confidence for that person, all because they know someone likes them for them, and for at least that person, they don't have to be someone they're not?

Do we even get what a big deal that is?



Now do two things.

#1. Think about the people in your life that have expressed sincere partiality toward you, in the past or recently (I can think of 2 major ones). Think about how their honesty changed the way you view yourself (it made me more confident, made me dream bigger, made me like myself more).

#2. Now, think of the people in your life that you really like (I can think of a few.) Have you told them? (not yet.) Will you choose to have the boldness to tell them how awesome they are, possibly being a stepping stone to a turning point in their life?

As humans, we need this kind of honesty. We need people who like us, to tell us! Because that's when lives are changed for the better. That's when shy people start to speak up. It's when people who think they're stupid begin to think they're smart. It's when that one bit of truth speaks louder than anything else, and people begin to see they're worth something.

So, if you're fond of someone.. go out and tell them just how fond you actually are.