God Is Patient With Us Slow Learners.

I am thankful for God's patience. In my constant striving after the ultimate manifestation of his glory on earth, I keep finding I'm way ahead of myself. As much as I hate to say this, there is much work to be done in me before I can go conquer evil and help save the suffering in His name. But I can say confidently that he has been faithful in preparing me. Looking back on the past year (and a year is such a short period of time!) God has taken me lightyears from where I was. I'm so thankful for that. But I'm still not 100% ready to take on what I'd like to, but I know God is going to be faithful to prepare me. And in that, I must be faithful not not make a god out of justice or activism so much that I lose sight of my God. I know all too well that if I lose sight of him, I have nothing to offer.
So God, be patient with me still. may I chase after the solid rock of your heart, and not be a retard and chase after the wind.

that being said, I'm working on plugging into a place to serve for the next few months...please pray God guides me and keeps my eyes open to places where there is a vital need, be it overseas or in the USA.

I'll be home on Thanksgiving! Can't wait to see everyone :)

Mind vs. Heart

“The moment God is figured out with nice neat lines and definitions, we are no longer dealing with God.”--Rob Bell

Very few things in life are formulaic and understandable.

Especially the wild, beautiful, unpredictable and mysterious God that Is.

The Galilee Project

Hi, everyone :)

I've been back in Salem for a little over a month now, in a leadership school called The Galilee Project. I'd love to write a really detailed blog about it and what God's been showing me, but it's flying by so fast, I'm having a hard time digesting it all; although I know inner change is happening, whether I'm conscious of it or not.

But there is one thing I can definitely pinpoint God nudging me about so far: not allowing emotions and feelings (aka. fear, laziness, insecurity, etc) dictate what I choose to do. I'm notorious for making excuses to get out of things, or for convincing myself out of responsibility, or of flat out shrinking back from something even when I'm only mildly afraid. Usually when I think of the word "fearlessness", big feats come to mind, not daily, mundane tasks. But God has been showing me that you can only be fearless in the big things when you become fearless in the small things. And if I'm not giving my all in a situation because of any reason other than some type of physical or mental block that I literally cannot overcome, then I'm either being fearful or lazy. And God wants our best in all areas of life, not the big ones. I'm great at talking about courage and fearlessness, but when it really comes down to it, I'm the biggest coward out there. Seriously. Talk and action are two very different things. God is showing me that action trumps talk any day.

So, please pray that God would continue to redefine who He is from my perspective and that I wouldn't miss out on any learning opportunity this school can offer. And please comment or email me about any concerns in your life, so that I might pray for you as well. Your concerns are my concerns.

Love,
Becky

Redefining Sin

I'm living in sin.

but it's different than I thought it was.

Here's my thought process that lead me to my conclusion--

If we're Christians, then we believe in grace. Grace is the opposite of shame (one of the opposites). If we live in grace, we carry no shame because of who Christ is.

So, we never need to feel any form of guilt or shame about anything. Ever. Because that's not a part of who Christ is. Even in sin, in any thought or action, we need not carry shame. Because here's the thing-- shame and guilt produce no lasting change. No one changes after feeling bad about something. Usually the only thing that comes from feeling bad...is feeling bad. But, someone WILL change when they know they're trusted enough to invoke inner change in themselves by being able to differentiate between something life giving and something that numbs, destroys, or is not beneficial.

So, "sin" is not something we should view with a shameful connotation. Sin is anything that numbs, deadens or distracts us from the abundant life (here on earth) that Christ has promised us. This is what I think Christ is referring to when he speaks of the "wide path that many take" and the "narrow path" that few find. The wide road is easy and numb (sinful, because it separates us from the abundant life of Christ). The narrow road is the one you must seek out, climb over, trudge through. One that's alive, awake, living, breathing and in tune with Christ in the here and now. The wide path is sinful. Not shameful, or even necessarily guilt ridden. Just without Christ. And the narrow path is the abundant life, without sin, with Christ. And that abundant life frees us from shame and gives us a permanent dwelling position (here on Earth) in a place of grace. Grace, in this case, means forgiveness from Christ and the guarantee that one way or another, the Spirit will show us that if we are taking the wide path, why what we're doing is not life giving and how we can begin to cease, begin to see and being to live.

I know it's well known that all sin is not necessarily considered "bad". But lately I've found myself thinking I'm not in sin simply because I'm staying away from shameful acts. But I am sinning. I'm sinning when I spend all day on facebook, spacing out the world around me and not tuning into the gifts God has given me in the present. And I don't have to feel shameful about that. I'm not bad for that. I'm thankful Christ can show me and gently touch my face, turn my head, and open my eyes to the abundant life he has for me now. Not later. Now.

It's About The Journey, Not The Destination

"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin--real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life."--Alfred D. Souza

A Stick, A Carrot & String

Mewithoutyou's new album "It's all crazy! it's all false! it's all a dream! it's alright" has taken me quite a while to get used to, but it's finally growing on me. I still don't consider it their best music by any means, but there are a couple songs in which Aaron Weiss yet again blew me away by his incredible writing skills and ability to portray certain attributes of the character of God that I've always felt about Him, but have never been able to put into words. I've listened to the album multiple times through, but just noticed the lyrics to this song (below) today. The imagery in the lyrics themselves are beautiful, but when coupled with the diverse instruments and Aaron's timid singing voice, it produces something I just really love. Not to mention it beautifully illustrates how Christ did not display his might and greatness through anything people on Earth actually desire or consider worthy of praise. Christ confused the crap out of everyone by being the exact opposite of what everyone expected him to be. But he was what all of our hearts and minds know to be true.

anyway, please read.


A Stick, A Carrot & String

the horse's hay beneath his head
our Lord was born to a manger bed
that all whose wells run dry
could drink of his supply

to keep him warm, the sheep drew near
so grateful for His coming here
come with news of grace
come to take my place
the donkey whispered in his ear
"child, in 30-some-odd years
you'll ride someone who looks like me
untriumphantly"

the cardinals warbled a joyful song
he'll make right what man made wrong
bringing low the hills
that the valleys might be filled

then "child", asked the birds
"well, aren't they lovely words we sing?"
the tiny baby layed there
without saying anything

at a distance stood a mangy goat
with the crooked teeth and a matted coat
weary eyes and worn
chipped and twisted horns

thinking "maybe I'll make friends someday
with the cows and the hens in the rambouillet
but for now, I'll keep away
I've got nothing smart to say"

there's a sign on the barn
in the cabbage town
"when the rain picks up
and the sun goes down
sinners, come inside
with no money, come and buy

no clever talk, nor a gift to bring
requires our lowly, lovely King
come now empty handed, you don't need anything"

and the night was cool
and clear as glass
with the sneaking snake in the garden grass
Deep cried out to Deep
the disciples fast asleep

and the snake perked up
when he heard You ask
"if you're willing that
this cup might pass
we could find our way back home
maybe start a family all our own"

"but does not the Father guide the Son?
not my will, but yours be done.
what else here to do?
what else me, but You?"

and the snake who'd held the world
a stick, a carrot and a string
was crushed beneath the Foot
of your not wanting anything

The Future Is Now

"There is nothing like suspense and anxiety for barricading a humans mind against the Enemy. He wants men to be concerned with what they do ; our business is to keep them thinking about what will happen to them ."--The Screwtape Letters

I'm sorry I don't post on this more.

Times are about to change (in terms of me updating this, anyway.)

Things I've been pondering lately...

1.How many people in Western culture are controlled by their emotions? Their passions? Their hungers? How much of us are addicted to cigarettes, alcohol, food, pornography, even simple things like affirmation? I've been reading lately about the Eastern philosophy of being the master of your self. Controlling and channeling those emotions, passions and hungers so that they don't control you. What would Jesus have us do? Embrace emotion and passion, because they help make life vibrant? Or channel them so that we use our God given ability of self-control? Or have a balance? What about those who can't have "just one"?

2. Singleness. Celibacy. The point of marriage. I mean, I get the point and everything. I guess. But if what I've heard is true--that marriage is supposed to be a representation and symbolism of our union with Christ--would that be worth it? or just a distraction?

3. How do we train our minds to stop viewing common things like home, 9-5 shifts, simple conversation, daily deeds...as things that "don't really matter"? I can think of a lot of people who would be a lot more happy if we could all understand that there is no "tomorrow", no "later" and nothing is better on the other side. The most important decision we'll make in life is in the next five minutes...(thank you Troy Sherman)

4. I just don't get Twitter.


What are you pondering?

I've Only Just Begun

My DTS is over! It was life changing. Here are some pictures. Click the set on the right called "China and Thailand 2009".

http://www.flickr.com/photos/thebsand/

Thank God for this experience.