Day #2--The Power Of The Mind

I almost forgot to blog today. Good thing I didn't.
Bipolar mood swings set in today. It's incredible to me how much fasts are NOT about the food. I'd say most fasting symptoms are 70% mental and 30% physical. Food is such an attachment. And when we don't get it...watch out the eff out.
Seriously.
I noticed something in me today. I was feeling really tired, headachey and grumpy to the nth degree (like literally eyes drooping shut in the passenger seat), while on my way to a meeting. Turns out that meeting was at a coffee shop. It didn't really cross my mind that I would get to have *caffeine* until I was about a block away and suddenly all of my tired, headachey and grumpy to the nth degree melted away and shot all the way up to butterflies and total elation and I perked up like a wilted flower getting water. In a matter of seconds. So either A. I'm as mentally dependent on caffeine as I am on food or B. any form of comfort sounds GREAT right now since I feel cold and skinny and like I could eat an entire jar of almond butter and still feel like I haven't eaten a thing. The hunger is the worst. I keep reading it lasts for about 10 days until it subsides. Lawd in heav'n. Or C. I underestimate the power of the mind.

Going to sleep with a rumblin' belly. Goodnight.

French Press (my new boyfriend) and Discipline

This french press discovery is the freakin' bid-nizz. I love it. If you're ever wondering where I am about an hour after I wake up, I'm sitting on the couch in my living room with one of these babies.


Dip a few oreos in there...perfection. The Finer Things.

The next post will hopefully show my finished rainbow slouchy hat I'm knitting. I've finished it and taken it apart like 3 times. I'm really having to tweak the pattern so hopefully I'll have it finished here pretty soon. And then I'm making one for Adam and Alison. They may or may not be aware of that.

Okay.
Life.
Specifically on the matter of discipline.

Lately I've had lots of discipline in my life. Spiritual and physical. It seems like it's coming easily right now. I go through peaks and valleys with stuff like this, as I'm sure everyone does. Sometimes it feels like the last thing in the world I want to do. Other times it feels like my soul needs a spiritual or physical massage so bad I can't finish my day without spending time with God. Or spending time with Rodney Yee.
I am noticing a pattern, though. When discipline is most prominent in my life, it seems to come when I respect myself the most. When I'm not depressed, anxious or lonely. Discipline comes easiest when I sincerely want the highest form of good for myself. So, logically you would think that I would strive to get rid of any depression, anxiety or loneliness in order that I might be able to keep this desire to love myself. But I don't think so. Negative feelings are just as real as positive feelings. And just as vital to a full live experience. Without them, how would we grow?
I guess the question I'm asking (or the truth I'm stating) is this--how do we fully allow ourselves to feel our sadness (because we will never always feel good), while mustering up the strength to treat ourselves with the highest form of good no matter what we feel? How can we make sure to remind ourselves to search for reality and Good in the valleys of our life experiences?

I guess we just...pray and do it.

Instead of wondering how and beating ourselves up because we "can't" do it. I don't know. I'm all about bucking up lately and putting and end to whining. I've done a lot of whining. A lot. Sometimes I look back on my life and can't believe how much talking and wondering I've done. It's obscene. I'm finally seeing that life, when all you do is stand in the middle of whirling questions, experiences, fears and mysteries, and just stare at them asking the questions "WHY" and "HOW" over and over...that isn't life. Life is standing in the midst of all that, asking those same questions and physically moving forward with them. Taking steps with them. Action. Action. Action. When will we stop avoiding pain and challenges and obstacles, searching for "real life"...and finally open our eyes to the fact that pain challenges and obstacles...are our lives?

Please ponder and respond.

Domestic Tendencies

Preface:
I had a french press for the first time the other day. It was just so good. and frothy. and textured. and for the first time, I made coffee at home that didn't taste like burnt bacon water. Thanks Elise.
Also, I think I might start taking pictures of the plethora of things I'm creating lately to post on here. I baked a perfect looking fruit coffee cake the other day. And I'm knitting the cutest rainbow hat ever. I'm also a grandmother.

Next order of business--

I am r.e.s.t.l.e.s.s.
I am craving new-ness again.

i.e.--

The World Is Too Much With Us

The world is too much with us; late and soon,
Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers;
Little we see in Nature that is ours;
We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon!
This Sea that bares her bosom to the moon,
The winds that will be howling at all hours,
And are up-gathered now like sleeping flowers,
For this, for everything, we are out of tune;
It moves us not.--Great God! I'd rather be
A Pagan suckled in a creed outworn,
So might I, standing on this pleasant lea
Have glimpses that would make me less forlorn;
Have sight of Proteus rising from the sea;
Or hear old Triton blow his wreathed horn.

William Wordsworth