"Lets say you have a problem with one of your friends. To resolve it, you don't run around behind their back, asking everyone else what's wrong with that person, what they're thinking, what's making them act a certain way, never intending to actually confront them, right? If you do that, you know deep down nothing will ever get resolved. You know the best thing to do, the thing you ultimately have to do, is to go to that person and talk to them. Doing anything else causes unnecessary problems. So, what do you think you're supposed to do when you have a problem with God?"
...Oh.
I've had a very interesting process the last few months. I've always struggled with doubts regarding Christianity and God, but lately it's been coming on really strong. Being a Christian in a largely post-modern society can be extremely difficult. And post-modern thinking can be extremely convincing. Reading up on it has caused a stir in me. My main question has been, how do I know any of what I believe is actually real and not simply created within my mind? I still don't have an answer--it remains a big question. I think to myself, how can I continue on with Christianity as I have been with such a big question in the way; with the possibility that everything I'm feeling and experiencing may not be real? Consequently, I began avoiding prayer, reading scripture, church...all with the attitude, "What's the point? There's no way for me to prove any of this." My unbelief really hardened my heart.
But I won't lie, I also hid it really well. I mean, it's easy to voice that you're doubting, but it's not so easy to voice that you've stopped praying or that you're Bible has been collecting dust. I met up with a friend of mine recently. She's one of those people that sees right through anything. It's no use having a guard up around her. We got to talking about the trip I'm taking soon, and why I'm doing the school, etc...everything spilled out about my doubts, fears... then she said what I quoted at the beginning of this post. It dumbfounded me. Duh. Why had I been so resistant to simply sitting in God's presence? Probably because I was comfortable in my anger, in my victim mentality. But something about my friend's advice brought my immaturity and childishness out into the light and I knew I couldn't keep doing what I was doing. I came home, repented, communed with the Holy Spirit and realized something huge: My choice to harden my heart was causing the presence of God to cease in my life, therefore solidifying any doubts I had about him. If there's one thing that can stop the movement of God, it's a hard heart. My anger and unbelief was no one's fault but mine. I was perpetuating my pain by choosing to remain a victim.
Granted, this isn't the case in every situation of spiritual dryness--sometimes God just feels far away. And there's nothing we can do about it. But for me, I was being an asshole. And someone had the guts to tell me. Don't be an asshole. It's really easy to get caught up in arrogance with God, stomping our feet and demanding for a sign. When really, God's more focused on our character and heart. Him showing up at our demand would only enable us to be even more childish.
He's knows how to handle us.
Showing posts with label God is Good. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God is Good. Show all posts
Friday, March 9, 2012
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
God's Deafening Silence
On the threshold of change and transformation, the silence of God can sometimes be deafening.
Our God never says too much. He is perfect in that he always says just enough. In our struggles, in our desperations, we run to him pleading for answers and begging to be spared from trials. Each time we fall to his feet crying out our frustations, God nods knowingly, listens intently with patience and love, and then sits back...and is still. Why does that frustrate us more than anything? Instead of throwing out answers, he asks questions. Sometimes, he doesn't even do that. We're left in the dark, we're left without conclusion. The only conclusion we can draw is our own. Sometimes all we have in God's silence are bits and pieces of encouraging scripture, or hopefully the warmth of His Spirit. But sometimes, not even that.
Recently I was put in a situation that absolutely terrified me. It was a situation that depended on my performance. I had no idea how to carry out the task I was appointed, simple as it was. I let my fear consume me, I let my emotions grab hold of me and I was nearly throwing up in anticipation of how much I knew I was going to fail. I was praying diligently for God's answers. For the relief from the anxiety and fear. For God to fix everything for me. I've prayed for God's relief before, but this time, my plea was desperate. I prayed and I prayed and I prayed. But still, irrationally enough, I was absolutely overcome by my own fear and I had zero left in me to do what I was asked to do. But I couldn't back out of it. So, I told God that I absolutely needed him to come through because I was empty and void of anything to offer. I walk up to do my thing. I open my mouth and--to my surprise--words of eloquence flow out with nary a stutter. Everything made perfect sense and truth was flowing out of me that I never knew was inside. On top of that, the fear was zapped away.
What happened?
God moved.
Why?
I continually avoid every thing I can't control, every thing that makes me afraid, every thing that I could possibly fail at. But God works the most beautifully when we're completely emptied of everything inside of us. Because in that, his Spirit finally has room to move. To ebb and flow without getting stunted and pushed back by walls of pride, control and striving.
God knowingly lets us sit in our discomfort and ignorance. He lets us hang on the edge by a few fingers. We're screaming and shouting for an answer, for relief, for some type of solution. We feel like we are going to die. But it's in those moments that he moves the most mightily.
Surprisingly enough, this character trait of God sends me into an enamored state of warm fuzzies. What love! What pure and true love to focus on the highest good for his child. Silence, on the surface seems so awful. Like, we're being neglected. But the reality is that we're being nurtured more than we know.
Now, more than ever, I've never been so assured of his goodness or so trusting in his character.
I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. - 2 Corinthians 12:7-10
Our God never says too much. He is perfect in that he always says just enough. In our struggles, in our desperations, we run to him pleading for answers and begging to be spared from trials. Each time we fall to his feet crying out our frustations, God nods knowingly, listens intently with patience and love, and then sits back...and is still. Why does that frustrate us more than anything? Instead of throwing out answers, he asks questions. Sometimes, he doesn't even do that. We're left in the dark, we're left without conclusion. The only conclusion we can draw is our own. Sometimes all we have in God's silence are bits and pieces of encouraging scripture, or hopefully the warmth of His Spirit. But sometimes, not even that.
Recently I was put in a situation that absolutely terrified me. It was a situation that depended on my performance. I had no idea how to carry out the task I was appointed, simple as it was. I let my fear consume me, I let my emotions grab hold of me and I was nearly throwing up in anticipation of how much I knew I was going to fail. I was praying diligently for God's answers. For the relief from the anxiety and fear. For God to fix everything for me. I've prayed for God's relief before, but this time, my plea was desperate. I prayed and I prayed and I prayed. But still, irrationally enough, I was absolutely overcome by my own fear and I had zero left in me to do what I was asked to do. But I couldn't back out of it. So, I told God that I absolutely needed him to come through because I was empty and void of anything to offer. I walk up to do my thing. I open my mouth and--to my surprise--words of eloquence flow out with nary a stutter. Everything made perfect sense and truth was flowing out of me that I never knew was inside. On top of that, the fear was zapped away.
What happened?
God moved.
Why?
I continually avoid every thing I can't control, every thing that makes me afraid, every thing that I could possibly fail at. But God works the most beautifully when we're completely emptied of everything inside of us. Because in that, his Spirit finally has room to move. To ebb and flow without getting stunted and pushed back by walls of pride, control and striving.
God knowingly lets us sit in our discomfort and ignorance. He lets us hang on the edge by a few fingers. We're screaming and shouting for an answer, for relief, for some type of solution. We feel like we are going to die. But it's in those moments that he moves the most mightily.
Surprisingly enough, this character trait of God sends me into an enamored state of warm fuzzies. What love! What pure and true love to focus on the highest good for his child. Silence, on the surface seems so awful. Like, we're being neglected. But the reality is that we're being nurtured more than we know.
Now, more than ever, I've never been so assured of his goodness or so trusting in his character.
I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. - 2 Corinthians 12:7-10
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Struggle Is Funny
Thanks StrengthFinder 2.0, for helping me come to understand my Restorative, Harmonious and Intellectual qualities.
Thanks for not pointing out my inherent weaknesses and tendencies toward idol worship, crippling comparison of myself to others and love of my job before my love of God.
Man.
Sometimes, you have to face your Ugly.
But sometimes you can spend days, weeks, even months occupying yourself with busyness or believing your own lies to keep yourself from having to face your Ugly. Yesterday, I feel like God forced me to. Thank God. I'm the type of person who will resort to every last form of relief before I resort to taking refuge in the Lord. I don't know why this is, but it's always been that way. I guess that's what you call human nature? Maybe. Anyway, yesterday, after what seemed like I was being "caught like a bear by the feet with his hands in the hive who complains of the sting" (I was doing something that was not wise, all the while whining to God about how unhappy I was), I was hit with how good I am at ignoring bad and uncomfortable things, and covering them up with forms of escapism. I mean, I'm really good at ignoring things. And escaping. It's kind of scary. I never thought about it before, but I see it all areas of my life. Socially, spiritually...even with the way I eat. So yesterday I actually sat down, very unwillingly, whining and frowning at having to face my own Ugly, and I searched my heart and mind for discomforts and anxieties and concerns, and ended up pinpointing about 6 different things that were what I considered to be significant problems that I had subconsciously been ignoring. 6. That's a lot! If you're defining them as problems that would cause stress and distraction in life. I know everyone has problems at any given point, but for some reason I have the concept in my head that being problem free = being holy, therefore I've been ignoring my problems.
And not without cost.
Because with it, I've developed about 6 or so habits, or compulsions, that are outlets for me do deal with this stuff I'm not actively dealing with. Isn't that funny? Seriously. I think it's kind of amazing. If we don't acknowledge and work through our struggles, they'll surface anyway without our consent. There's no way to avoid struggle or pain. Because in one way or another--you'll end up having to deal with them. And if you don't deal with them right away or in good time, they'll will come back up with a few pals you'll have to deal with them, too. And those pals bring pals, and their pals bring pals...and it ends up being a party.
So acknowledge it and nip it early. And most importantly: love your struggle and your pain. Because Our God is a god of struggle (see: the story of Jacob). He obviously loves both of them and sees their value or he wouldn't have wired our minds and bodies to force us to face them.
So, as it is with everything:
Praise God.
Thanks for not pointing out my inherent weaknesses and tendencies toward idol worship, crippling comparison of myself to others and love of my job before my love of God.
Man.
Sometimes, you have to face your Ugly.
But sometimes you can spend days, weeks, even months occupying yourself with busyness or believing your own lies to keep yourself from having to face your Ugly. Yesterday, I feel like God forced me to. Thank God. I'm the type of person who will resort to every last form of relief before I resort to taking refuge in the Lord. I don't know why this is, but it's always been that way. I guess that's what you call human nature? Maybe. Anyway, yesterday, after what seemed like I was being "caught like a bear by the feet with his hands in the hive who complains of the sting" (I was doing something that was not wise, all the while whining to God about how unhappy I was), I was hit with how good I am at ignoring bad and uncomfortable things, and covering them up with forms of escapism. I mean, I'm really good at ignoring things. And escaping. It's kind of scary. I never thought about it before, but I see it all areas of my life. Socially, spiritually...even with the way I eat. So yesterday I actually sat down, very unwillingly, whining and frowning at having to face my own Ugly, and I searched my heart and mind for discomforts and anxieties and concerns, and ended up pinpointing about 6 different things that were what I considered to be significant problems that I had subconsciously been ignoring. 6. That's a lot! If you're defining them as problems that would cause stress and distraction in life. I know everyone has problems at any given point, but for some reason I have the concept in my head that being problem free = being holy, therefore I've been ignoring my problems.
And not without cost.
Because with it, I've developed about 6 or so habits, or compulsions, that are outlets for me do deal with this stuff I'm not actively dealing with. Isn't that funny? Seriously. I think it's kind of amazing. If we don't acknowledge and work through our struggles, they'll surface anyway without our consent. There's no way to avoid struggle or pain. Because in one way or another--you'll end up having to deal with them. And if you don't deal with them right away or in good time, they'll will come back up with a few pals you'll have to deal with them, too. And those pals bring pals, and their pals bring pals...and it ends up being a party.
So acknowledge it and nip it early. And most importantly: love your struggle and your pain. Because Our God is a god of struggle (see: the story of Jacob). He obviously loves both of them and sees their value or he wouldn't have wired our minds and bodies to force us to face them.
So, as it is with everything:
Praise God.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Disarmed.
God, God, God.
That's all the words I can seem to muster lately when I pray or worship or stand before God.
Our God is huge. And all encompassing. Completely unpredictable. and 100% NOT formulaic.
I'm frustrated lately because I'm a very formulaic and step-by-step person. Normally, you do such and such, to get such and such. It's logic. It's the law of Causation.
But God does not work this way. And I think He ups his mysteriousness and unpredictability and evasiveness even more so to those who have problems with formulaic religious thinking in order to show them that He is not this way. His arm is the one thing in the life of an analyzer/controller, that they cannot through will, force or manipulation of any kind, twist. And to us analyzers/controllers, that's disarming, frustrating, infuriating and exposing of our true nature. It's something ugly we don't like to see. We can petition, we can ask, we can plead, but nothing we do with intentions of boxing Him in will ever work.
So, given that, I'm finding that during prayer, I can repent, I can praise, I can ask, I can do anything, but none of that will guarantee He will speak to me.
During worship, I can pray for humility, I can pray against pride, I can sing through gritted teeth, but none of that will guarantee I will meet with God and give Him the praise He deserves.
In my day-to-day, I can begin with meditating on His word, appreciating His creation, listening intently to my neighbor, preferring others above myself, but none of that will guarantee that at the end of the day, I glorified God.
I don't get God. If God was religious, this whole thing would be so easy. All of the above would be completely successful. But it's not. They're all good things, repentance, praying against pride, preferring my neighbor, meditating on his word...they're all beautiful and gifts from God. But if we cling to these things as ways to manipulate and 'get to' The Father, then we lose the beauty and the wonder of the fact that He is like wind through the trees: there for a few seconds then gone. Moving and invading the surroundings, then off to affect something else. Tangible on your skin for a split second, then He disappears. You try to catch him, but instead He flows right through your fingers. Who is this God?
I'd like to say that lately I'm in wonder of the evasiveness of God. But I'll be honest and say that I'm frustrated. God makes no sense. Ritually, I'm holy. Spiritually, I don't feel so holy. But yet, He loves and He gives life to me, slowly and subtly, despite the fact I'm frustrated and irritated with the most beautiful part of His being! If that's not anti-formulaic and upside-down, I don't know what is.
God, God, God!
That's all the words I can seem to muster lately when I pray or worship or stand before God.
Our God is huge. And all encompassing. Completely unpredictable. and 100% NOT formulaic.
I'm frustrated lately because I'm a very formulaic and step-by-step person. Normally, you do such and such, to get such and such. It's logic. It's the law of Causation.
But God does not work this way. And I think He ups his mysteriousness and unpredictability and evasiveness even more so to those who have problems with formulaic religious thinking in order to show them that He is not this way. His arm is the one thing in the life of an analyzer/controller, that they cannot through will, force or manipulation of any kind, twist. And to us analyzers/controllers, that's disarming, frustrating, infuriating and exposing of our true nature. It's something ugly we don't like to see. We can petition, we can ask, we can plead, but nothing we do with intentions of boxing Him in will ever work.
So, given that, I'm finding that during prayer, I can repent, I can praise, I can ask, I can do anything, but none of that will guarantee He will speak to me.
During worship, I can pray for humility, I can pray against pride, I can sing through gritted teeth, but none of that will guarantee I will meet with God and give Him the praise He deserves.
In my day-to-day, I can begin with meditating on His word, appreciating His creation, listening intently to my neighbor, preferring others above myself, but none of that will guarantee that at the end of the day, I glorified God.
I don't get God. If God was religious, this whole thing would be so easy. All of the above would be completely successful. But it's not. They're all good things, repentance, praying against pride, preferring my neighbor, meditating on his word...they're all beautiful and gifts from God. But if we cling to these things as ways to manipulate and 'get to' The Father, then we lose the beauty and the wonder of the fact that He is like wind through the trees: there for a few seconds then gone. Moving and invading the surroundings, then off to affect something else. Tangible on your skin for a split second, then He disappears. You try to catch him, but instead He flows right through your fingers. Who is this God?
I'd like to say that lately I'm in wonder of the evasiveness of God. But I'll be honest and say that I'm frustrated. God makes no sense. Ritually, I'm holy. Spiritually, I don't feel so holy. But yet, He loves and He gives life to me, slowly and subtly, despite the fact I'm frustrated and irritated with the most beautiful part of His being! If that's not anti-formulaic and upside-down, I don't know what is.
God, God, God!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
God Is Patient With Us Slow Learners.
I am thankful for God's patience. In my constant striving after the ultimate manifestation of his glory on earth, I keep finding I'm way ahead of myself. As much as I hate to say this, there is much work to be done in me before I can go conquer evil and help save the suffering in His name. But I can say confidently that he has been faithful in preparing me. Looking back on the past year (and a year is such a short period of time!) God has taken me lightyears from where I was. I'm so thankful for that. But I'm still not 100% ready to take on what I'd like to, but I know God is going to be faithful to prepare me. And in that, I must be faithful not not make a god out of justice or activism so much that I lose sight of my God. I know all too well that if I lose sight of him, I have nothing to offer.
So God, be patient with me still. may I chase after the solid rock of your heart, and not be a retard and chase after the wind.
that being said, I'm working on plugging into a place to serve for the next few months...please pray God guides me and keeps my eyes open to places where there is a vital need, be it overseas or in the USA.
I'll be home on Thanksgiving! Can't wait to see everyone :)
So God, be patient with me still. may I chase after the solid rock of your heart, and not be a retard and chase after the wind.
that being said, I'm working on plugging into a place to serve for the next few months...please pray God guides me and keeps my eyes open to places where there is a vital need, be it overseas or in the USA.
I'll be home on Thanksgiving! Can't wait to see everyone :)
Friday, October 16, 2009
Mind vs. Heart
“The moment God is figured out with nice neat lines and definitions, we are no longer dealing with God.”--Rob Bell
Very few things in life are formulaic and understandable.
Especially the wild, beautiful, unpredictable and mysterious God that Is.
Very few things in life are formulaic and understandable.
Especially the wild, beautiful, unpredictable and mysterious God that Is.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
It's About The Journey, Not The Destination
"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin--real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life."--Alfred D. Souza
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Freaking Out
By tonight I will have packed up everything I need for my 3 month trip to China. I'm only taking like 5 shirts and 2 pairs of pants, underwear, toiletries and some books. The rest i'm mailing home, or storing here in Salem until I get back. I don't think I've ever lived on this little in my life.
I'm overwhelmed, but I'm also really excited because I'm finally living out what I've been wanting to live out for quite sometime. I'm going to live minimally with my incredible God, unbelievable friends, and the beautiful people of China and Thailand. Great things are going to happen.
Me and my friends are living out God's promise. An abundant life. and we're going across the globe to meet others who are doing the same thing. World changers who combine trust in God with a passion for social justice to stand up and do something about the hurt in the world. In 6 days my friends and I will be joining them. It's surreal. I'm so incredibly thankful.
so yeah. i just wanted to say that.
Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!!!! I hope everyone is blessed by their families and good eatin'.
I'm overwhelmed, but I'm also really excited because I'm finally living out what I've been wanting to live out for quite sometime. I'm going to live minimally with my incredible God, unbelievable friends, and the beautiful people of China and Thailand. Great things are going to happen.
Me and my friends are living out God's promise. An abundant life. and we're going across the globe to meet others who are doing the same thing. World changers who combine trust in God with a passion for social justice to stand up and do something about the hurt in the world. In 6 days my friends and I will be joining them. It's surreal. I'm so incredibly thankful.
so yeah. i just wanted to say that.
Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!!!! I hope everyone is blessed by their families and good eatin'.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
God Is A Man Of His Word
I've learned something huge recently about God--
He is a man of his word.
He keeps his promises.
He gives us the desires of our heart.
"For I am confident that he who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus"-Philipians 1:6
When we ask God to show us his heart--the deepest corners of his heart, his true feelings for the suffering, for the oppressed--and when we seek The Lord for who he is, God opens up a wellspring of love, joy, peace, and willingness to serve Him for eternity. I think my whole life I've always been striving for these things, trying to obtain them by study and perfectionism and complaining--but the answer has been staring me right in the face. And the answer is God's heart. As Mute Math says..."You are reaching something that is beating. I can't believe I never noticed my heart before. At least it was never until I noticed You." Isn't it a blessing and a privilege to serve The Most High? In simply seeing God's face, we are transformed. He shares his heart with us and grants us love, joy, peace and righteousness. We no longer have to condemn ourselves for feeling resentful, bitter, judgmental, self righteous, negative, or whatever, because it is no longer something that comes naturally since we are IN the Lord. Christianity is not striving for perfection. It is the privilege of being able to call Perfect your best friend, lover, protecter and King. How can we say no to that?
Read the incentives of intimacy with God (and share in the poetic beauty of The Bible, which is something I've never noticed until recently)--
Isaiah 60:1-5
"Arise, shine for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you. See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the Lord rises upon you and his glory appears over you. Nations will come to your light and kings to the brightness of your dawn. Lift up your eyes and look about you: all assemble and come to you; your sons come from afar, and your daughters are carried on the arm. Then you will look and be radiant, your heart will throb and swell with joy; the wealth on the seas will be brought to you, to you the riches of the nations will come."
18-22:
"No longer will violence be heard in your land, nor ruin or destruction within your borders, but you will call your walls Salvation and your gates Praise. The sun will no more be your light by day, nor will the brightness of the moon shine on you, for the Lord will be your everlasting light, and your God will be your glory. Your sun will never set again, and your moon will wane no more; The Lord will be your everlasting light, and your days of sorrow will end. Then will all your people be righteous and they will possess the land forever. They are the shoot I have planted, the work of my hands, for the display of my splendor. The least of you will become a thousand, the smallest a might nation. I am the Lord; in its time I will do this swiftly."
How can we call Christianity a burden any longer? Christianity is anything but a burden. It's a privilege and an honor of being able to be intimate with the Creator of the Universe. He loves us and knows our names! He is fond of us. He weeps when we weep, he rejoices when we rejoice. He is the Wellspring of Life, and in him we can be confident that we shall be fully alive.
"It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me."-Galations 2:20
"The glory of God is man fully alive."-St. Iraneus
Go seek his heart! and have fun.
He is a man of his word.
He keeps his promises.
He gives us the desires of our heart.
"For I am confident that he who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus"-Philipians 1:6
When we ask God to show us his heart--the deepest corners of his heart, his true feelings for the suffering, for the oppressed--and when we seek The Lord for who he is, God opens up a wellspring of love, joy, peace, and willingness to serve Him for eternity. I think my whole life I've always been striving for these things, trying to obtain them by study and perfectionism and complaining--but the answer has been staring me right in the face. And the answer is God's heart. As Mute Math says..."You are reaching something that is beating. I can't believe I never noticed my heart before. At least it was never until I noticed You." Isn't it a blessing and a privilege to serve The Most High? In simply seeing God's face, we are transformed. He shares his heart with us and grants us love, joy, peace and righteousness. We no longer have to condemn ourselves for feeling resentful, bitter, judgmental, self righteous, negative, or whatever, because it is no longer something that comes naturally since we are IN the Lord. Christianity is not striving for perfection. It is the privilege of being able to call Perfect your best friend, lover, protecter and King. How can we say no to that?
Read the incentives of intimacy with God (and share in the poetic beauty of The Bible, which is something I've never noticed until recently)--
Isaiah 60:1-5
"Arise, shine for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you. See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the Lord rises upon you and his glory appears over you. Nations will come to your light and kings to the brightness of your dawn. Lift up your eyes and look about you: all assemble and come to you; your sons come from afar, and your daughters are carried on the arm. Then you will look and be radiant, your heart will throb and swell with joy; the wealth on the seas will be brought to you, to you the riches of the nations will come."
18-22:
"No longer will violence be heard in your land, nor ruin or destruction within your borders, but you will call your walls Salvation and your gates Praise. The sun will no more be your light by day, nor will the brightness of the moon shine on you, for the Lord will be your everlasting light, and your God will be your glory. Your sun will never set again, and your moon will wane no more; The Lord will be your everlasting light, and your days of sorrow will end. Then will all your people be righteous and they will possess the land forever. They are the shoot I have planted, the work of my hands, for the display of my splendor. The least of you will become a thousand, the smallest a might nation. I am the Lord; in its time I will do this swiftly."
How can we call Christianity a burden any longer? Christianity is anything but a burden. It's a privilege and an honor of being able to be intimate with the Creator of the Universe. He loves us and knows our names! He is fond of us. He weeps when we weep, he rejoices when we rejoice. He is the Wellspring of Life, and in him we can be confident that we shall be fully alive.
"It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me."-Galations 2:20
"The glory of God is man fully alive."-St. Iraneus
Go seek his heart! and have fun.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
A Good Lesson Learned
A wise man once said...
"Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit. When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped in the heat of the summer. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, 'I will confess my transgressions to the Lord'--and you forgave the guilt of my sin." Psalm 32:1-5
Aaron Weiss once said, "Find a friend, stay close with a melting heart and tell them whatever you're most ashamed of."
I highly recommend confession. Not just to God, but to people. There is so much freedom in being able to stand before God and people with a clean heart, harboring no iniquity. I don't think people realize how much unconfessed sin or animosity towards another person really affects the heart and soul. Look at that verse--"When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long". It's so true! Unconfessed issues are such heavy weights on the heart, and develop such deep roots in the soul. When your heart is clean and you have nothing to hide, you're able to receive and give love freely, without fear, because you are finally able to be who you really are, not someone you're pretending to be. Obviously this is something I just went through, so I'm recommending it to you and you and you. So, please, go find someone you can trust, and tell them the worst thing you've ever done. They'll understand and help you through it, as will God, and life will just be that much more beautiful.
In love and hope,
B
"Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit. When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped in the heat of the summer. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, 'I will confess my transgressions to the Lord'--and you forgave the guilt of my sin." Psalm 32:1-5
Aaron Weiss once said, "Find a friend, stay close with a melting heart and tell them whatever you're most ashamed of."
I highly recommend confession. Not just to God, but to people. There is so much freedom in being able to stand before God and people with a clean heart, harboring no iniquity. I don't think people realize how much unconfessed sin or animosity towards another person really affects the heart and soul. Look at that verse--"When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long". It's so true! Unconfessed issues are such heavy weights on the heart, and develop such deep roots in the soul. When your heart is clean and you have nothing to hide, you're able to receive and give love freely, without fear, because you are finally able to be who you really are, not someone you're pretending to be. Obviously this is something I just went through, so I'm recommending it to you and you and you. So, please, go find someone you can trust, and tell them the worst thing you've ever done. They'll understand and help you through it, as will God, and life will just be that much more beautiful.
In love and hope,
B
Saturday, September 13, 2008
God is good.
I think if I had to use one word to describe what has went on during this first couple weeks of the lecture phase, I would use the word "exposed". Never in my life have I felt so exposed for who I really am in such a short time, than in these past weeks.
For those of you who've read Blue Like Jazz, do you remember the chapter about Donald moving into a house in Portland with 6 other guys, after living all by himself out in the country? The transition for him was very difficult and mentally exhausting. I feel like that chapter is describing my life right now. I live in one room with 18 other girls. 18. I've spent the past 8 or so months, holed up in my room, only coming out to work my 9-5 job and to see a friend a few times a week. So for me, this type of living has been exhausting. But it's so beautiful at the same time. I'm building some amazing relationships, and light is being shed to the areas of my heart that I've been trying to keep hidden for quite some time. I'm learning that it's much better to be exposed for every aspect of who I am, the good and the bad, than trying to keep up with this ridiculous mask I've been wearing (and trying to perfect) for years on end. And finally, now that this mask is being torn down, I'm gaining the closeness with the Lord I've always wanted.
"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord shall be praised."-Proverbs 31:30
I'm really thankful I don't have to pretend anymore. I hated myself and it wasn't fun.
God is good, and I take comfort in knowing that will never be a lie.
Here are pictures of some adventures we've been having...
me, arielle, julia, ashley and anna
hawaiian tourist and WT american
me and the llama down the road
Julia, Arielle and Tohnya's birthday party
Beautiful Kelly playing us a song
International Love Feast
MMM.
Juuulia
More birthday party
prepped for the ropes course
the chapel
blackberry picking!
Ashley had this little cat toy with a massive mouth buried in the bottom of her purse, along with some stray skittles. when she pulled it out, it had one of the skittles lodged in its mouth. we pretty much laughed for like 15 minutes.
dorm girls
Facebook me to see a ridiculous amount of other pictures.
I love you,
Becky
For those of you who've read Blue Like Jazz, do you remember the chapter about Donald moving into a house in Portland with 6 other guys, after living all by himself out in the country? The transition for him was very difficult and mentally exhausting. I feel like that chapter is describing my life right now. I live in one room with 18 other girls. 18. I've spent the past 8 or so months, holed up in my room, only coming out to work my 9-5 job and to see a friend a few times a week. So for me, this type of living has been exhausting. But it's so beautiful at the same time. I'm building some amazing relationships, and light is being shed to the areas of my heart that I've been trying to keep hidden for quite some time. I'm learning that it's much better to be exposed for every aspect of who I am, the good and the bad, than trying to keep up with this ridiculous mask I've been wearing (and trying to perfect) for years on end. And finally, now that this mask is being torn down, I'm gaining the closeness with the Lord I've always wanted.
"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord shall be praised."-Proverbs 31:30
I'm really thankful I don't have to pretend anymore. I hated myself and it wasn't fun.
God is good, and I take comfort in knowing that will never be a lie.
Here are pictures of some adventures we've been having...
me, arielle, julia, ashley and anna
hawaiian tourist and WT american
me and the llama down the road
Julia, Arielle and Tohnya's birthday party
Beautiful Kelly playing us a song
International Love Feast
MMM.
Juuulia
More birthday party
prepped for the ropes course
the chapel
blackberry picking!
Ashley had this little cat toy with a massive mouth buried in the bottom of her purse, along with some stray skittles. when she pulled it out, it had one of the skittles lodged in its mouth. we pretty much laughed for like 15 minutes.
dorm girls
Facebook me to see a ridiculous amount of other pictures.
I love you,
Becky
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