Today was 100% raw.
AND, I went for a run. I haven't been able to go running (or do much walking, for that matter) in about a year in a half because I have an unidentifiable soft tissue injury in my left foot that won't heal. But today...I took a risk and ran for 20 minutes. My form is horrible, I kind of run like a duck and my feet hit the ground in all the wrong places at the wrong times. But the good news is, the foot pain isn't unbearable! Which is awesome because I'd love an additional way to detox while I'm on this diet. I probably shouldn't run more than a couple times a week, just because I don't want to injure anything more with my poor form. But we'll see how it progresses. I've heard of everything from arthritis all the way to diabetes being healed from raw diets. I'm crossing my fingers that this will have a positive effect on my foot pain, immune system and joint health. Also, don't worry, I'm still 24 years old, not 90 years old like all of this is making me sound. Ballz.
Have a great weekend, pals.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Day #5--Re-start
That "Day #5" title should probably actually say "Day #1" since I'm technically starting over because I was seduced by Baskin Robbin's 31¢ Day.
But maybe it's best to not be so rigid and dogmatic with it and just let the fail day be a fail day and keep trudging on.
Anytime I've ever been all or nothing with a diet, it's never translated into changing my day-to-day eating routines, which is something to be noted. And I'd like self-control and good choices to translate when these 30 days are over. So...I won't call yesterday a fail, I'll call it a slight regression. Here's to PROgression.
That's probably all I have to say right now. About raw food anyway. I have a LOT to say about what God's been showing me through others, even though His actual voice has been really silent. It's been really surprising. But maybe in another post. Feel free to listen to this beautiful song instead.
But maybe it's best to not be so rigid and dogmatic with it and just let the fail day be a fail day and keep trudging on.
Anytime I've ever been all or nothing with a diet, it's never translated into changing my day-to-day eating routines, which is something to be noted. And I'd like self-control and good choices to translate when these 30 days are over. So...I won't call yesterday a fail, I'll call it a slight regression. Here's to PROgression.
That's probably all I have to say right now. About raw food anyway. I have a LOT to say about what God's been showing me through others, even though His actual voice has been really silent. It's been really surprising. But maybe in another post. Feel free to listen to this beautiful song instead.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Day #3--Self-awareness is Rampant
Hi.
My head feels like a balloon slightly anchored by a ribbon to the rest of my body. Everything is pretty foggy. and sleepy.
Today as I was doodling during lecture and once again becoming aware of my 2 second attention span, it hit me how pretty much anything good seems like it goes against my grain. And when I say good, I mean things like, spending time with others, listening in class without doodling or checking my twitter, actively praying longer than two minutes, worshiping for God's sake and not mine, joyfully doing things for the sake of others, being vulnerable in conversation, initiating socialization, friendship, saying hello and stopping to chat with passerbys....and on and on. It feels like the grain of these things goes from left to right and mine goes up and down. It rubs me wrong and feels like I'm trying to walk through muck and mire just to simply say hello to someone. It's so hard for me to just be good, and I'm not browbeating myself--really, nothing in me is good, and nothing wants to be. But of course, I can't let the simple fact that I don't want to do something keep me from doing it--I do it. Its just through clenched teeth for the first few minutes, then reality sets in and I realize how good it actually is. Anyway, my point, or rather my question, is how do I combat it? How do you, if you feel similar? I've been reading more about a term called 'acedia' and how it mostly plagues monks and those in religious orders...it's not depression, it's not laziness, it's just a huge weight of not caring. And not even caring about how you don't care. It's a huge hill to overcome and when you feel like you have to overcome it 20 times a day, it gets really old. I don't want to believe that I'll have to feel this way the rest of my life. I believe if Jesus promises an abundant life, than inside that abundant life would be joy for the things that he created as good, so I'm going to hold out for that. But in the meantime, I need some type of solution. I'll be on the look out.
Anyway.
Happy salads.
My head feels like a balloon slightly anchored by a ribbon to the rest of my body. Everything is pretty foggy. and sleepy.
Today as I was doodling during lecture and once again becoming aware of my 2 second attention span, it hit me how pretty much anything good seems like it goes against my grain. And when I say good, I mean things like, spending time with others, listening in class without doodling or checking my twitter, actively praying longer than two minutes, worshiping for God's sake and not mine, joyfully doing things for the sake of others, being vulnerable in conversation, initiating socialization, friendship, saying hello and stopping to chat with passerbys....and on and on. It feels like the grain of these things goes from left to right and mine goes up and down. It rubs me wrong and feels like I'm trying to walk through muck and mire just to simply say hello to someone. It's so hard for me to just be good, and I'm not browbeating myself--really, nothing in me is good, and nothing wants to be. But of course, I can't let the simple fact that I don't want to do something keep me from doing it--I do it. Its just through clenched teeth for the first few minutes, then reality sets in and I realize how good it actually is. Anyway, my point, or rather my question, is how do I combat it? How do you, if you feel similar? I've been reading more about a term called 'acedia' and how it mostly plagues monks and those in religious orders...it's not depression, it's not laziness, it's just a huge weight of not caring. And not even caring about how you don't care. It's a huge hill to overcome and when you feel like you have to overcome it 20 times a day, it gets really old. I don't want to believe that I'll have to feel this way the rest of my life. I believe if Jesus promises an abundant life, than inside that abundant life would be joy for the things that he created as good, so I'm going to hold out for that. But in the meantime, I need some type of solution. I'll be on the look out.
Anyway.
Happy salads.
Day #2--The Power Of The Mind
I almost forgot to blog today. Good thing I didn't.
Bipolar mood swings set in today. It's incredible to me how much fasts are NOT about the food. I'd say most fasting symptoms are 70% mental and 30% physical. Food is such an attachment. And when we don't get it...watch out the eff out.
Seriously.
I noticed something in me today. I was feeling really tired, headachey and grumpy to the nth degree (like literally eyes drooping shut in the passenger seat), while on my way to a meeting. Turns out that meeting was at a coffee shop. It didn't really cross my mind that I would get to have *caffeine* until I was about a block away and suddenly all of my tired, headachey and grumpy to the nth degree melted away and shot all the way up to butterflies and total elation and I perked up like a wilted flower getting water. In a matter of seconds. So either A. I'm as mentally dependent on caffeine as I am on food or B. any form of comfort sounds GREAT right now since I feel cold and skinny and like I could eat an entire jar of almond butter and still feel like I haven't eaten a thing. The hunger is the worst. I keep reading it lasts for about 10 days until it subsides. Lawd in heav'n. Or C. I underestimate the power of the mind.
Going to sleep with a rumblin' belly. Goodnight.
Bipolar mood swings set in today. It's incredible to me how much fasts are NOT about the food. I'd say most fasting symptoms are 70% mental and 30% physical. Food is such an attachment. And when we don't get it...watch out the eff out.
Seriously.
I noticed something in me today. I was feeling really tired, headachey and grumpy to the nth degree (like literally eyes drooping shut in the passenger seat), while on my way to a meeting. Turns out that meeting was at a coffee shop. It didn't really cross my mind that I would get to have *caffeine* until I was about a block away and suddenly all of my tired, headachey and grumpy to the nth degree melted away and shot all the way up to butterflies and total elation and I perked up like a wilted flower getting water. In a matter of seconds. So either A. I'm as mentally dependent on caffeine as I am on food or B. any form of comfort sounds GREAT right now since I feel cold and skinny and like I could eat an entire jar of almond butter and still feel like I haven't eaten a thing. The hunger is the worst. I keep reading it lasts for about 10 days until it subsides. Lawd in heav'n. Or C. I underestimate the power of the mind.
Going to sleep with a rumblin' belly. Goodnight.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Day #1--Happy Easter
Happy Easter.
Today's church service was filled with pretty dresses, snazzy suits, amazing stories of redemption and reminders of the power of the Resurrection. We heard amazing testimonies of the redeeming nature of our God, and most stories had to do with individuals falling to rock bottom because of addiction stemming from some type of wound, and then being rescued from the pit by Jesus. I think we sometimes forget how prevalent addiction is. It's everywhere and in everyone in one way or another. Addictions come in all shapes and sizes and I'd argue that you can pretty much become addicted to anything. The smallest most seemingly insignificant thing, (TV for example) can have just as much, if not more power on someone than a substance like cocaine. It baffles my mind. Also, the power of the mind baffles my mind. Because that's the one thing all addictions trace back to--mind struggle. What would happen to the state of humanity if we gained power over our minds instead of the other way around? Is it even possible? It's interesting to think about.
Anyway, that's what was swirling around in my head during church. Now I'm back at home and other things are swirling around--mainly smells from the kitchen. Of cinnamon rolls, honey baked ham, sweet potatoes, dinner rolls, FRICK. Tonight I will be practicing sitting in my room with a cold plate of salad while the YWAMers sit around tables in the cafeteria sharing warm smiles and hot dishes of delectable treats. I'm not irate about it yet. Actually, I'm pretty peaceful about it. But it's only 8 hours into this fast. So far 2 bananas, almond butter and some cashews a few hours later have been enough to satisfy my spoiled belly. Oh, but I should probably mention that I had a caramel macchiato at 1pm. In an attempt to poop. That might be TMI for most of you, but for me, as the Colon Health Queen, it's nothin' more than a topic for dinner table discussion. So sorry in advance, but there might be much more poo talk in the next 29 posts than you might enjoy. Anyway, this is my written pact to you all (so far Josh Brown and maybe one other person) to NOT drink sugary lattes in order to poop anymore during this fast. Because I have a feeling it just re-toxifies me as if I'm back to square one. So. here's to no more coffee--yerba mate instead. Clean, yet stimulating--mentally and...physically.
Cheers.
Today's church service was filled with pretty dresses, snazzy suits, amazing stories of redemption and reminders of the power of the Resurrection. We heard amazing testimonies of the redeeming nature of our God, and most stories had to do with individuals falling to rock bottom because of addiction stemming from some type of wound, and then being rescued from the pit by Jesus. I think we sometimes forget how prevalent addiction is. It's everywhere and in everyone in one way or another. Addictions come in all shapes and sizes and I'd argue that you can pretty much become addicted to anything. The smallest most seemingly insignificant thing, (TV for example) can have just as much, if not more power on someone than a substance like cocaine. It baffles my mind. Also, the power of the mind baffles my mind. Because that's the one thing all addictions trace back to--mind struggle. What would happen to the state of humanity if we gained power over our minds instead of the other way around? Is it even possible? It's interesting to think about.
Anyway, that's what was swirling around in my head during church. Now I'm back at home and other things are swirling around--mainly smells from the kitchen. Of cinnamon rolls, honey baked ham, sweet potatoes, dinner rolls, FRICK. Tonight I will be practicing sitting in my room with a cold plate of salad while the YWAMers sit around tables in the cafeteria sharing warm smiles and hot dishes of delectable treats. I'm not irate about it yet. Actually, I'm pretty peaceful about it. But it's only 8 hours into this fast. So far 2 bananas, almond butter and some cashews a few hours later have been enough to satisfy my spoiled belly. Oh, but I should probably mention that I had a caramel macchiato at 1pm. In an attempt to poop. That might be TMI for most of you, but for me, as the Colon Health Queen, it's nothin' more than a topic for dinner table discussion. So sorry in advance, but there might be much more poo talk in the next 29 posts than you might enjoy. Anyway, this is my written pact to you all (so far Josh Brown and maybe one other person) to NOT drink sugary lattes in order to poop anymore during this fast. Because I have a feeling it just re-toxifies me as if I'm back to square one. So. here's to no more coffee--yerba mate instead. Clean, yet stimulating--mentally and...physically.
Cheers.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
30 Day Raw Fast--Begin.
During the next 30 days I'm going to blog once a day to document a much needed raw food fast. The idea of blogging about it was probably the last thing on my mind because, as we all know, it's not the best thing to draw attention to yourself when you're fasting. It causes people to be impressed by what you're doing and then self-glorification is your only reward. Fasts are about much more than upping your ego. Fasting is a willful release from the things that bind you and it's a painful and ugly process. It uproots your emotions, causes your body to freak out with toxic elimination, and creates moodiness that changes from elation to rage in a matter of minutes. It SUCKS. Maybe more for me than anyone else. But food is a major, major vice in my life. I've gone on fasts, the longest stint being 8 days on juice. But on the 8th day, I wasn't quitting because I felt like I was finished. I quit because I was hungry. Which proved to me that I was still a slave to hunger. I had not yet become its master.
I've heard powerful testimonies from people who fast for long durations. I've only been able to catch glimpses of the change. I've never been able to be fully set free. So, I'm trying again. I have God on my side, which is a blessing and means I won't have to rely solely on the weak muscle strength of my will. But that also means I'm going to have to deal with the breaking of spiritual chains and bondage, not just physical. Which definitely ups the struggle.
So, why am I blogging about this? Well, accountability for one reason. Although, I am aware that probably only two people read this blog, and that I could have accountability of every friend in my life and I would still rebel in one way or another. I know that my success will never come from accountability. If anything, accountability is simply a reminder of what I'm doing and why. Secondly, I want to be able to lay out, day by day, the progression of this fast--the spiritual high, the inevitable rage, the grief, the detox symptoms, the transformation--and see the ebb and flow of 30 days of deprivation from my biggest go-to comfort source.
I'm not excited about this. Mostly because I've tried diets like this probably 100 times and fail by day 3 like clockwork. I'm ridiculously good at convincing myself out of these types of things--telling myself that it's not healthy, that I don't need it or that 7 days is long enough. But I know, deep in my heart, that this is right and necessary. So, here's my documentation of how I currently feel and my written commitment to these next 30 days. Watch me try to fight it like a crack head in a matter of hours.
Happy Easter tomorrow. God, thank you for being alive. Accept this sacrifice. As small as it is, it's the greatest thing I can offer you at this point.
I've heard powerful testimonies from people who fast for long durations. I've only been able to catch glimpses of the change. I've never been able to be fully set free. So, I'm trying again. I have God on my side, which is a blessing and means I won't have to rely solely on the weak muscle strength of my will. But that also means I'm going to have to deal with the breaking of spiritual chains and bondage, not just physical. Which definitely ups the struggle.
So, why am I blogging about this? Well, accountability for one reason. Although, I am aware that probably only two people read this blog, and that I could have accountability of every friend in my life and I would still rebel in one way or another. I know that my success will never come from accountability. If anything, accountability is simply a reminder of what I'm doing and why. Secondly, I want to be able to lay out, day by day, the progression of this fast--the spiritual high, the inevitable rage, the grief, the detox symptoms, the transformation--and see the ebb and flow of 30 days of deprivation from my biggest go-to comfort source.
I'm not excited about this. Mostly because I've tried diets like this probably 100 times and fail by day 3 like clockwork. I'm ridiculously good at convincing myself out of these types of things--telling myself that it's not healthy, that I don't need it or that 7 days is long enough. But I know, deep in my heart, that this is right and necessary. So, here's my documentation of how I currently feel and my written commitment to these next 30 days. Watch me try to fight it like a crack head in a matter of hours.
Happy Easter tomorrow. God, thank you for being alive. Accept this sacrifice. As small as it is, it's the greatest thing I can offer you at this point.
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