This french press discovery is the freakin' bid-nizz. I love it. If you're ever wondering where I am about an hour after I wake up, I'm sitting on the couch in my living room with one of these babies.
Dip a few oreos in there...perfection. The Finer Things.
The next post will hopefully show my finished rainbow slouchy hat I'm knitting. I've finished it and taken it apart like 3 times. I'm really having to tweak the pattern so hopefully I'll have it finished here pretty soon. And then I'm making one for Adam and Alison. They may or may not be aware of that.
Okay.
Life.
Specifically on the matter of discipline.
Lately I've had lots of discipline in my life. Spiritual and physical. It seems like it's coming easily right now. I go through peaks and valleys with stuff like this, as I'm sure everyone does. Sometimes it feels like the last thing in the world I want to do. Other times it feels like my soul needs a spiritual or physical massage so bad I can't finish my day without spending time with God. Or spending time with Rodney Yee.
I am noticing a pattern, though. When discipline is most prominent in my life, it seems to come when I respect myself the most. When I'm not depressed, anxious or lonely. Discipline comes easiest when I sincerely want the highest form of good for myself. So, logically you would think that I would strive to get rid of any depression, anxiety or loneliness in order that I might be able to keep this desire to love myself. But I don't think so. Negative feelings are just as real as positive feelings. And just as vital to a full live experience. Without them, how would we grow?
I guess the question I'm asking (or the truth I'm stating) is this--how do we fully allow ourselves to feel our sadness (because we will never always feel good), while mustering up the strength to treat ourselves with the highest form of good no matter what we feel? How can we make sure to remind ourselves to search for reality and Good in the valleys of our life experiences?
I guess we just...pray and do it.
Instead of wondering how and beating ourselves up because we "can't" do it. I don't know. I'm all about bucking up lately and putting and end to whining. I've done a lot of whining. A lot. Sometimes I look back on my life and can't believe how much talking and wondering I've done. It's obscene. I'm finally seeing that life, when all you do is stand in the middle of whirling questions, experiences, fears and mysteries, and just stare at them asking the questions "WHY" and "HOW" over and over...that isn't life. Life is standing in the midst of all that, asking those same questions and physically moving forward with them. Taking steps with them. Action. Action. Action. When will we stop avoiding pain and challenges and obstacles, searching for "real life"...and finally open our eyes to the fact that pain challenges and obstacles...are our lives?
Please ponder and respond.
2 comments:
Wow, loved this post.
For me, it's mostly about being able to SEE. I may not undestand a lot of things going on in my life right now, but the key thing is to SEE God's presence in my life, and to TRUST that He has a divine purpose within everything. And then, I pray. And He leads me, and I follow. I don't need to actively plan or think up things to do, I just follow. And thats when the best blessings pour forth.
becky, i love your pictures and you : ]
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