The Addictiveness of Isolation

        I'm irritated at whoever invented suburbs and single family dwellings. and cubicles.

        Lately, because of my foot injury, I only get to work about 1/3 of what I would like. That's led to me having lots of downtime. Lots. Isolation is funny because at first you think it's a wonderful luxury and a way to re-energize and get everything done you've needed to get done for so long. Eventually though, it turns out to be like your stoner room mate you can't get rid of.
        "Just chill out for a while."
        "Lets just hang out here again."
        "Lets get pizza...."
        It tricks you into wanting more and more isolation. You discover you're starting to need all this downtime in order to have the energy to go out and do things with actual people. Then you start to hate your isolation because it's boring and not fulfilling and all you want is someone to come over and hang out, but when they finally do, you get pissed off because they're ruining your perfect, controlled isolated space. Everything becomes way too much effort and you'd rather sit around daydreaming then living in reality with other human beings.

        It creeps me out.

        The only solution I see to this is to get off my ass and go pursue some people. I hate it when people make excuses for things because it shows immaturity and irresponsibility, but I'm being honest when I say it's simply hard to get off my ass. It's hard to fight my self. Half the time I don't even recognize when I'm giving into a fight with it. I don't recognize when I'm being controlled by my own feelings or emotions. Sometimes I swear I just let them take me by the hand and we skip along, in my mind or in real life, to things that look so great and sparkly and easy. But, in actuality, are mostly just a waste of my time and/or really stupid.

        But then sometimes, I instead choose to take them by the hand and we go places healthy and constructive to my mind, places full of character and challenge.

        I genuinely hope I can continue this upward spiral of taking responsibility for my life that's been going on the past few months, and not let a spout of downtime lead me into significant life regression. Good thing God is good at snapping me back to reality.