Sorry that most of my posts have been sappy and angsty, but maybe that's okay for a season.
I'll begin this one with an excerpt from scripture.
“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. 3 You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4 Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8 This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.
9 “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10 If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. 11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. 17 This is my command: Love each other. --John 15:1-17
I have been planted in the Vine, no matter if I like that or not.What I mean by that is, something inside of me compels me to believe in this thing called God. I don't know why. That's just the way it is and the way it's always been. Something is written on my heart to follow after this God. I am rooted in this Vine, no matter what my head says or my heart feels. No matter what I do to talk myself out of it or analyze it down to what it always seems like it might be--a delusion--the rightness and truth of the gospel message (and more so, the peace it brings) always outweigh my doubts.
How is it that simply remaining in the Vine, even if all it is is picking up my bible and reading a few scriptures, or praying a prayer void of anything eloquent but a few mumbles of pain or thankfulness from the heart, causes a warmth to arise in my soul that brings about a peace that passes all understanding, that trumps my worries, fears, anxieties and analysis and I'm left somehow knowing in my heart that God is holding me in the palm of his hand, not pushing me forward or sending me backward, just holding me there, safely and securely? A simple act of frustrated communion with my God --this great God that I will never understand or grasp no matter the length of my reaching or analyzation of my mind--brings about relief that I don't deserve or even necessarily expect?
Who is this God?
He has apparently chosen me and I apparently have favor in His sight. He's apparently patient with me beyond earthly measure. He apparently loves me and I have no idea why. He apparently fashioned me into the great Vine that He is, as a branch that is entirely dependent on Him for life, vibrancy, joy and peace. To many it may sound crazy, and many may blame the peace in my heart that I'm describing as influence of tradition or influence of American culture and family environment, as I have grown up around this my entire life. I often wonder that myself. But there is nothing on earth I will attest to more that wipes away every pinch of dread and every tear of hopelessness, or sets my head in the right direction or heals the wounds of my heart more than God himself--this vast, vague, all encompassing and sometimes ever silent being. Is that something to rationalize away? Or is it something to wonder at? Don't choose the easy one. And God, help me not to either.
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1 comment:
Hey Becky,
This post really hit home with me because I've been thinking a lot lately of what it means to be part of the body of Christ- how to experience this, what my role is, what it means to die to myself so that Christ lives in me. I feel like my brain has a very tenuous grasp on the vastness of meaning in that passage you quoted, and that frustrates me. But coming to terms with my own incompleteness, and my inborn inability to ever be complete in and of myself, is part of what makes me keep coming back and, sometimes, glimpsing a little bit more of what it means.
Thanks for writing such thoughtful words. I am looking forward to more!
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