Responsibility is one of those things that looks great from far away, but when it comes to actually living it out, you never want to do it and its just not that fun.
The specific type I'm talking about right now is responsibility of your life. I'm not sure exactly when I learned the lesson that "life is what you make it", but ever since I learned it, I am no longer able to ask myself why certain things in my life aren't happening or coming to pass. I'm no longer able to ask myself, because I already know why before the question has the time to reach my lips. It's because I'm not making it happen. It's pretty irritating. Every time I wake up with another day full of nothing, and get ready to sit down with a cup of coffee and whine to my journal about how boring my life is, Responsibility pops out from behind the couch and says, "Get off your ass!" Gone are the days of prolonged angst and shaking my fist at the world saying, "Why must I constantly feel unfulfilled and stunted in this place, why can't I go and pursue what I want to pursue?!" Responsibility's reflection shows up in my mug of coffee and says, "It's at your fingertips."
She shows up in my phonebook as I scroll pass the number of that friend I still haven't called to hang out like I said I would.
She shows up in my coworker complaining about her animosity towards her husband, as I catch myself not listening with my whole heart.
She shows up when I exchange money with that guy at the coffee place, leaving once again without introducing myself.
In the hands of my grandfather clock, as another day draws to a close.
Responsibility looms. in a good way.
No one keeps you from anything but you.
There's probably an exception to that rule, but it is very rare. I'm talking natural disaster or death or something extreme. 99.9% of excuses can be overcome and there is no excuse for them.
So, for all of you who want a step-by-step program on how to suck out all the marrow of life, no matter where you are or what you are pursuing--
1. Use all of your resources
2. Get creative
3. Overcome fear/emotion/laziness
4. You're going to die someday, perhaps soon, so make this season in your life one that won't be another season of you waiting for stuff to fall in your lap.
I know I've talked about this before. But why is half the world completely dissatisfied? One big reason is that we're not manning up.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
The Power Of Language
Thanks to the wonderful book loan program offered to employees of Barnes and Noble, I am now reading Percy Jackson and the Olympians. It's no Harry Potter, I'm just saying. But it is entertaining. Anyway, I'm on like chapter 6 and I keep reading things along the lines of, "names have power," and "don't throw those names around so casually." This book series is about Greek gods, so I'm assuming what they're ultimately getting at is that some things are so powerful the mere mention of their name brings about certain things (like in Harry Potter, how no one wanted to say Voldemort, so they had substitutions.) Anyway, this got me thinking about the God I serve, the God of Abraham, who's name I throw around like nobody's business. And the name of His Son. Then it got me thinking about language in general. And how powerful it can be. I suddenly became aware of what is most prominent in my day to day conversation. The following are in my daily vernacular--
(asterisks have been provided)
"That makes me want to die"
"I'm about to punch people"
"what the f***"
"sh*t"
"son of a b****"
"ass"
"pissed"
"Oh, God" ** (but these are asterisks to a footnote.)
I'm sorry, but it's true. To be honest, the reason I say most of these things is for comic relief or to get a reaction from someone or something. Cussing is funny to me and can bring rawness and/or relaxation to a conversation, depending on who you're talking to. However...the response I get from most Christians when I say something like what's listed above is generally not positive. And for a long time, I didn't really care. Because I'm a liberal Christian or something like that, and we liberal Christians know we can do and say things conservative Christians think are "bad" and we can defy the norm and show that God's grace surpasses such trivial things, and we don't have to live by "the law".
Well...
No.
How selfish is that?? I mean, really. I guess it's a good thing that I don't feel bound by a rule that forbids me to never cuss or say the wrong thing, but it's not a good thing that I feel like I can freely throw around words that can carry much power and influence in the minds of others. I'm not going to start being militant and condemning about the way I speak, but I am going to start praying for the ability to be more conscious and aware of when I'm using destructive language. And truly, all of the above are destructive. Not one of them has a positive connotation.
So I don't know. Lately, I'm really beginning to understand the value of compassion and kindness, and the way I've been speaking is in no way helping to ingrain that in my mind, even if it is simply to be funny or relatable. I guess that's the point of this.
How you speak reveals what is in your heart and what is not. And how you speak has the power to put things in your heart and take them out.
**I'm aware that I'm not the only Christian who does this. I'm also aware though, that Jews, who serve the same God as I do, don't even dare write or type His name out as they believe it's too holy to have the potential to be erased, so they write or type G-d. I used to think that was really great and beautiful, so I did that for awhile, but then I stopped. Mostly because I don't think I truly believe in my heart my God is that holy and mighty. If I did, I simply wouldn't use his name so much, right? What does God think? Commandment #3 says "Do not take the name of The Lord in vain." But what does that even mean? Ultimately, I think it means don't throw it around and damage the reputation of the Lord with what you say that is either positive or negative about him (i.e. "God damn it", or "God told me such and such about this or that," when you're not 100% sure He really did. One negative, one positive, but both shape a person's view of who God is). This is an entirely different issue for an entirely different post, but feel free to comment and carry this topic wherever you may...I have a lot of digging to do on how God would have us respect his name and carry out the Old Covenant commandments, while living in a New Covenant christianity, but please give your thoughts anyway.
(asterisks have been provided)
"That makes me want to die"
"I'm about to punch people"
"what the f***"
"sh*t"
"son of a b****"
"ass"
"pissed"
"Oh, God" ** (but these are asterisks to a footnote.)
I'm sorry, but it's true. To be honest, the reason I say most of these things is for comic relief or to get a reaction from someone or something. Cussing is funny to me and can bring rawness and/or relaxation to a conversation, depending on who you're talking to. However...the response I get from most Christians when I say something like what's listed above is generally not positive. And for a long time, I didn't really care. Because I'm a liberal Christian or something like that, and we liberal Christians know we can do and say things conservative Christians think are "bad" and we can defy the norm and show that God's grace surpasses such trivial things, and we don't have to live by "the law".
Well...
No.
How selfish is that?? I mean, really. I guess it's a good thing that I don't feel bound by a rule that forbids me to never cuss or say the wrong thing, but it's not a good thing that I feel like I can freely throw around words that can carry much power and influence in the minds of others. I'm not going to start being militant and condemning about the way I speak, but I am going to start praying for the ability to be more conscious and aware of when I'm using destructive language. And truly, all of the above are destructive. Not one of them has a positive connotation.
So I don't know. Lately, I'm really beginning to understand the value of compassion and kindness, and the way I've been speaking is in no way helping to ingrain that in my mind, even if it is simply to be funny or relatable. I guess that's the point of this.
How you speak reveals what is in your heart and what is not. And how you speak has the power to put things in your heart and take them out.
**I'm aware that I'm not the only Christian who does this. I'm also aware though, that Jews, who serve the same God as I do, don't even dare write or type His name out as they believe it's too holy to have the potential to be erased, so they write or type G-d. I used to think that was really great and beautiful, so I did that for awhile, but then I stopped. Mostly because I don't think I truly believe in my heart my God is that holy and mighty. If I did, I simply wouldn't use his name so much, right? What does God think? Commandment #3 says "Do not take the name of The Lord in vain." But what does that even mean? Ultimately, I think it means don't throw it around and damage the reputation of the Lord with what you say that is either positive or negative about him (i.e. "God damn it", or "God told me such and such about this or that," when you're not 100% sure He really did. One negative, one positive, but both shape a person's view of who God is). This is an entirely different issue for an entirely different post, but feel free to comment and carry this topic wherever you may...I have a lot of digging to do on how God would have us respect his name and carry out the Old Covenant commandments, while living in a New Covenant christianity, but please give your thoughts anyway.
Monday, February 1, 2010
The Addictiveness of Isolation
I'm irritated at whoever invented suburbs and single family dwellings. and cubicles.
Lately, because of my foot injury, I only get to work about 1/3 of what I would like. That's led to me having lots of downtime. Lots. Isolation is funny because at first you think it's a wonderful luxury and a way to re-energize and get everything done you've needed to get done for so long. Eventually though, it turns out to be like your stoner room mate you can't get rid of.
"Just chill out for a while."
"Lets just hang out here again."
"Lets get pizza...."
It tricks you into wanting more and more isolation. You discover you're starting to need all this downtime in order to have the energy to go out and do things with actual people. Then you start to hate your isolation because it's boring and not fulfilling and all you want is someone to come over and hang out, but when they finally do, you get pissed off because they're ruining your perfect, controlled isolated space. Everything becomes way too much effort and you'd rather sit around daydreaming then living in reality with other human beings.
It creeps me out.
The only solution I see to this is to get off my ass and go pursue some people. I hate it when people make excuses for things because it shows immaturity and irresponsibility, but I'm being honest when I say it's simply hard to get off my ass. It's hard to fight my self. Half the time I don't even recognize when I'm giving into a fight with it. I don't recognize when I'm being controlled by my own feelings or emotions. Sometimes I swear I just let them take me by the hand and we skip along, in my mind or in real life, to things that look so great and sparkly and easy. But, in actuality, are mostly just a waste of my time and/or really stupid.
But then sometimes, I instead choose to take them by the hand and we go places healthy and constructive to my mind, places full of character and challenge.
I genuinely hope I can continue this upward spiral of taking responsibility for my life that's been going on the past few months, and not let a spout of downtime lead me into significant life regression. Good thing God is good at snapping me back to reality.
Lately, because of my foot injury, I only get to work about 1/3 of what I would like. That's led to me having lots of downtime. Lots. Isolation is funny because at first you think it's a wonderful luxury and a way to re-energize and get everything done you've needed to get done for so long. Eventually though, it turns out to be like your stoner room mate you can't get rid of.
"Just chill out for a while."
"Lets just hang out here again."
"Lets get pizza...."
It tricks you into wanting more and more isolation. You discover you're starting to need all this downtime in order to have the energy to go out and do things with actual people. Then you start to hate your isolation because it's boring and not fulfilling and all you want is someone to come over and hang out, but when they finally do, you get pissed off because they're ruining your perfect, controlled isolated space. Everything becomes way too much effort and you'd rather sit around daydreaming then living in reality with other human beings.
It creeps me out.
The only solution I see to this is to get off my ass and go pursue some people. I hate it when people make excuses for things because it shows immaturity and irresponsibility, but I'm being honest when I say it's simply hard to get off my ass. It's hard to fight my self. Half the time I don't even recognize when I'm giving into a fight with it. I don't recognize when I'm being controlled by my own feelings or emotions. Sometimes I swear I just let them take me by the hand and we skip along, in my mind or in real life, to things that look so great and sparkly and easy. But, in actuality, are mostly just a waste of my time and/or really stupid.
But then sometimes, I instead choose to take them by the hand and we go places healthy and constructive to my mind, places full of character and challenge.
I genuinely hope I can continue this upward spiral of taking responsibility for my life that's been going on the past few months, and not let a spout of downtime lead me into significant life regression. Good thing God is good at snapping me back to reality.
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