The Avoidance Of Pain

"For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, 'Abba! Father!'" Rm 8:15

The last time I blogged was back in October. There's a reason for that.

If you know me, you know that I am a woman of struggle. I've always been someone to actively engage in bettering myself, in introspection, in trying to get the best out of life. I feel a lot, but I had never let it get the best of me.

To get really personal, really quickly, around Christmas time last year, my feelings finally did get the best of me. I got slammed with the biggest onslaught of anxiety I've ever experienced in my entire life. A kind that stuck around for weeks--complete with a constant, gnawing stomachache, feeling like I was in a fog, detached from myself and from others, memory loss, the inability to concentrate and generally just feeling like I was stuck in a bad dream. It felt like I had been transported to a kind of hell. If you've ever experienced anxiety, you know it literally feels like you've been sucked out of the present and plopped down into a wasteland of swirling fear and dread that you feel like you have zero control over. I never saw it coming. It just happened, without my permission; it was entirely out of my control. This was extremely hard for me to accept, as I spent every day trying to numb the fear, squelch the thoughts and relieve the pain. I tried everything to get unstuck--you name it, i tried it. Because that's how I'm wired--I have a need to restore, to fix, to make things well again. With anxiety, I couldn't; I was stuck, and I had exhausted every attempt at getting better.

It's been months now since that happened and the reality is, I still carry this anxiety with me every day. It's not nearly as intense--but behind every single thing I do, anxiety is nagging at my heels, screaming at me worst case scenarios, and reasons to be afraid. But thank God that He has been speaking to me amidst the chaos of my emotions and thoughts. From His Word, as well as from wisdom from counselors, authors and friends who know much more about anxiety than I do, there have been a few truths that have stuck out to me and kept me afloat in this process.

1. The avoidance of pain will make things worse. 
This is a truth I've heard before, but never have I been forced to apply it to my life more than in this season. I have always thought that I really do have control over every feeling and thought that I have. When feelings and thoughts come up that I don't like, I frantically fix them--troubling thoughts, worries, unpleasant feelings--I get rid of them. I avoid feeling "bad". My anxiety grew out of control because I continually shoved down all of my "bad" feelings, which made them silently grow into monsters. When they finally reared their ugly heads, I was so used to repressing it all that I was jarred and shocked that I even had the capacity to hold so much crippling fear inside of me.

 "It is better to go to the house of mourning

than to go to the house of feasting,

for this is the end of all mankind,

and the living will lay it to heart.

Sorrow is better than laughter

for by sadness of face the heart is made glad.

The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, 

but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth." 

Ecclesiastes 7:4

2. If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got.
We've all heard this one before. And it packs a punch when you're faced with a struggle you've carried your entire life. What have I always done? Avoided. Repressed. Fixed. A change in my thinking and my actions needed to take place, or I would continue in the same patterns.

"I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:1-2

3. Chasing "feeling good" will keep you stuck.
Anxiety does not feel good--in fact, it is highly unpleasant. So are other things in life--choosing to love someone you don't like, choosing to serve, eating well when you want to eat like crap...basically doing anything that requires you to make a conscious action that is the antithesis of what you are currently feeling. Living my entire life to maintain a sense of "feeling good" really backed me into a corner that blocked out anything in my life that made me "feel bad". And I am now seeing that those things that "make me feel bad" are a lot of the time things that I truly need in order to change and grow--to get unstuck.

  

"The discerning sets his face toward wisdom,

but the eyes of a fool are on the ends of the earth." 

Proverbs 17:24

Since my anxiety set in, I have been actively trying to apply these truths to my day-to-day, to transform my patterns of thinking that have, over the years, caused me to operate in a very small framework of thinking. I feel as if I'm at a crossroads every day. Do I choose the easy path of feeling good, or do I choose the difficult path of getting better? Every day is different--I don't always make the best choices. But my choices are adding up to my future, and that is a scary truth that always jumpstarts me into action. I create my own destiny and future. I'm not alone--God is with me, ever nudging and whispering, helping me to make the best choices. But my life is in my own hands. God is not absent from my life, even though pain is highly present. God is taking me down a new path, one of painful growth and restoration. And this time, I'm not just talking about it--I'm actually doing it.

Listen To Your Soul

"The emotional complaints of our time, complaints we therapists hear every day in our practice, include

emptiness
meaninglessness
vague depression
disillustionment about marriage, family and relationships
a loss of values
yearning for personal fulfillment
a hunger for spirituality

All of these symptoms reflect a loss of soul and let us know what the soul craves. We yearn excessively for entertainment, power, intimacy, sexual fulfillment, and material things, and we think we can find these things if we discover the right relationship or job, the right church or therapy. But without soul, whatever we find will be unsatisfying, for what we truly long for is the soul in each of these areas. Lacking that soulfulness, we attempt to gather these alluring satisfactions to us in great masses, thinking apparently that quantity will make up for lack of quality."

Care Of The Soul, pg xvi, Thomas Moore

From Inferior to Extraordinary Pt. 4

In light of what we have learned about The Fall, that woman’s inferiority was induced by sin, and we must live with the consequences of that sin as it states in Romans 5:12, “ Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned,” how can we begin to live in acceptance of this, yet also live according to the way God has called us to through Christ: loving Him and loving others (Mt. 22:36-40[1])? How would Christ have us work under this consequence? We now look to three instances of controversial scripture in the Bible that have often been misused for excuses to mistreat women or exercise power over them, and clear up the way that Christ would have us live these truths out in our lives, and at the same time, squelch the misconception and perversion of oppression of women.

The first scripture we will look at is 1 Timothy 2:11-15, written by the apostle Paul.

“I desire then that in every place the men should pray, lifting holy hands without anger or quarreling; ⁹ likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, ¹⁰  but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works. ¹¹ Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. ¹²  I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. ¹³  For Adam was formed first, then Eve; ¹⁴ and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. ¹⁵ Yet she will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control.”

In this excerpt, at first glance we read that Paul is telling woman that she has to, in essence, zip it. She must be silent, or she is a disgrace. Next we almost see Paul puff up his feathers in a sense, and blame Eve for the sin of the world. Is Paul writing from pride? In digging deeper into this text we can actually see that Paul is not being a prideful, sexist jerk, like it seems; he is actually encouraging us in how to live in a way that honors the consequences of The Fall. First, it should be noted that he is speaking not of women in general, but of church order.  If Eve truly was the one that was first deceived, which caused the roles of men and women to be created, then woman, exercising authority over a man in a church setting, does not add up and cannot. He is not saying that women cannot ever teach or speak up—in Joel 2:28 it clearly states that men and women will prophesy[2]. Women have been known throughout scripture to be active within church, to speak up and even lead nations. But when it comes teaching within a church setting, the church should reflect the natural order that was in place after The Fall, and that would mean women submitting to the authority of man, and man to Christ.[3]

The second scripture we will address is 1 Corinthians 14:34-35.

“As in all the churches of the saints, ³⁴  the women should keep silent in the churches. For they are not permitted to speak, but should be in submission, as the Law also says. ³⁵ If there is anything they desire to learn, let them ask their husbands at home. For it is shameful for a woman to speak in church.”

This is again a matter of church order, but in a more simple way than the scripture from 1 Timothy. Paul is writing this in a context of disorderly worship—people in the church in Corinth were speaking tongues, prophesying and praying out loud all at once causing the Corinthian church to be somewhat chaotic. In this context, Paul is not saying that women don’t have a voice. He is speaking of church services and the value of having them be well organized and orderly so as not to cause confusion. Perhaps women were asking questions and speaking out of turn more often than the men, asking their husbands questions about the teachings in a disruptive manner. Paul advises them to be more aware of their surroundings and ask questions later, after the service.  

Lastly, we’ll look at Ephesians 5:22-25

²²  Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.²⁵  Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, ²⁶ that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, ²⁷ so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. ²⁸ In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, ³⁰ because we are members of his body. ³¹  “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” ³² This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. ³³ However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

This scripture is a beautiful depiction of making the best of the consequences from The Fall,  in terms of Christ’s commands to love our neighbor as ourselves. Paul first exhorts the women to submit to their husbands, and then he exhorts men to love their wives. Note that this instruction of submission for women is not one that commends behavior of tyranny or oppression—the instruction is for women to submit to husbands who love them, as Christ loved the church, meaning selflessly. Selfless love, as we know, naturally begets a type of ‘submission’, just as Christ’s love for us naturally begets our own submission to him. This is truly a beautiful picture of  how Christ’s sacrifice for us gave us a way to live in freedom in this world, still under the consequences of The Fall, yet with new hope and liberty, and how we can use that truth and translate it into the relation of man and woman within the consequences of The Fall. Mutual love and submission creates a beautiful balance within a marriage context, as well as in our relationship with Christ.

When we think about the oppression of women and God’s perspective, we can now clearly see that God’s intent was never for women to second best, or even to be submissive to man; God’s intent for woman was to be equal with him, being a vibrant display of God’s love, as well as his perfect complement. But, due to The Fall, and due to the fact that sin never comes without consequence, women must now function under the authority of her husband. And because the human race is easily susceptible to pride, it’s no wonder that women would be one of the things men exhort perverted authority over. In light of this, we can see how oppression began. But we must remember that not just women are still functioning under The Fall; all of creation is functioning under it as well, and we all carry the weight of original sin. Our lives must be shifted to honor God as much as possible under these circumstances, with the knowledge that God loves and values each one of us, man and women, Jew and Greek, exactly the same. So, we can see how oppression began, and we can also see how much it is not on God’s heart, nor was it ever his intent. The oppression of women breaks the heart of God. Although there are roles in our fallen world, this does not degrade the value of women, and therefore God advocates justice for each wounded woman, each woman that has been subjected to the hands of twisted oppression. As God tells us in Isaiah 1:17, “….learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow’s cause,” and Psalm 33:5, “The Lord loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of his unfailing love,” and Micah 6:8, “And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God,” God loves justice and he loves his creation of woman. Anything less than standing up for the rights and value of women would break God’s heart even more.

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[1] ³⁶ “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” ³⁷ And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. ³⁸ This is the great and first commandment. ³⁹ And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. ⁴⁰  On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”

[2] “And it shall come to pass afterward, that I will pour out my Spirit on all flesh; your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, your old men shall dream dreams, and your young men shall see visions.”

[3] It should be noted, that even though this interpretation of scripture seems very clear in light of The Fall, I even wince as a type it. It still doesn’t seem right to me that a woman isn’t able to offer what she has to a congregation simply because of role differences. And when you look at Genesis 3:16, God doesn’t say woman will be under authority of all men, but under her husband. How does this then translate into church roles?  This specific scripture requires deeper study and interpretation.

From Inferior to Extraordinary Pt. 3

Now that we've addressed creation of woman and God's original intent for her, we’ll explore the event in Genesis that still effects every one of us today: The Fall of Man.

 The Fall of Man is described in it's entirety in Genesis chapter 3:

“Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the Lord God had made.  He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?” ² And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, ³ but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.’” ⁴  But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. ⁵ For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” ⁶ So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. ⁷  Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths.

⁸ And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. ⁹ But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?^{] 10} And he said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.” ¹¹ He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” ¹² The man said, “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.” ¹³ Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this that you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”         

¹⁴ The Lord God said to the serpent,

“Because you have done this,
 cursed are you above all livestock
 and above all beasts of the field;
on your belly you shall go,
    and dust you shall eat
    all the days of your life.
¹⁵ I will put enmity between you and the woman,
    and between your offspring and her offspring;
he shall bruise your head,
    and you shall bruise his heel.”

¹⁶ To the woman he said,

“I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing;
     in pain you shall bring forth children.
Your desire shall be for your husband,
    and he shall rule over you.”

¹⁷ And to Adam he said,

“Because you have listened to the voice of your wife
    and have eaten of the tree
of which I commanded you,
    ‘You shall not eat of it,’
cursed is the ground because of you;
     in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life;
¹⁸ thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you;
    and you shall eat the plants of the field.
¹⁹ By the sweat of your face
    you shall eat bread,
till you return to the ground,
    for out of it you were taken;
for you are dust,
    and to dust you shall return.”

²⁰ The man called his wife's name Eve, because she was the mother of all living. ²¹ And the Lord God made for Adam and for his wife garments of skins and clothed them.

²² Then the Lord God said, “Behold, the man has become like one of us in knowing good and evil. Now, lest he reach out his hand and take also of the tree of life and eat, and live forever—” ²³ therefore the Lord God sent him out from the garden of Eden to work the ground from which he was taken. ²⁴ He drove out the man, and at the east of the garden of Eden he placed the cherubim and a flaming sword that turned every way to guard the way to the tree of life.”

In this chapter we’re able to see just how much influence woman actually had on man: it was so much that it would cause both of them to disobey the only commandment given to them by God. But we also see that no sin goes without consequence, and the penalty for woman wielding her influence so poorly was severe, not only for her, but for Adam and the rest of humanity.  In Gen 3:16 we see that God specifically tells woman that, as a consequence for her sin, her husband will now rule over her. This wasn’t because man is superior (remember they were both created equally). This consequence came about because woman gave up her equality by listening to the serpent. Her disobedience forfeited her equality. This is an incredible concept, especially in the light of the fact that most of us consider the roles of men and women to be God ordained: that God created woman to be under the authority of man. But it’s obvious from Genesis 3:16 that the roles of men and women are God ordained, but they are not God’s original intent. The role of men having authority over woman is purely consequential of sin. Eve gave up her equality by her disobedience, and form that point on, submission to her husband was a reality; and that reality remains with us today. 

Now that we can view the roles of men and women from the perspective of The Fall, it becomes very easy for us to see how we now have a long history of women being oppressed and taken advantage of. Man, in his humanness, has corrupted the consequence instead choosing to honor God inside of that consequence. Man has taken advantage of the fact that woman must now submit under him, abused that authority, and started a chain reaction of the mistreatment of women that translated into society and the rest of culture, deeming women the weaker and inferior sex. This mindset has only recently started to lift in the west. We are very fortunate. For many around the world, it is still extremely prevalent. This now leads us to ask the question, if we’re aware of her role because of The Fall, what do we know about her value? Is her value still in tact, even though her role is not? Very much so. God did not say that woman became second best after The Fall. We know from looking throughout scripture that although there is oppression of women, there are also women handpicked from God himself to be honored, uplifted and exalted. From Deborah[1] to Ruth[2] to Esther[3] we see that he has used women as leaders and as women of great influence, even using a prostitute, Rahab[4], to expand Israel’s territory. This display of God’s value of women doesn’t stop in the Old Testament, but extends to the New Testament as well. While Christ was on earth, his treatment of women was absolutely astounding and counter-cultural; Jesus included them when no one else would, noticed them and honored them when others in their culture thought it better to be dead than to be a woman. God’s value of women is apparent. We also see in Galatians 3:28-29 a beautiful proclamation of our value in Christ: ²⁸  There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. ²⁹ And if you are Christ's, then you are Abraham's offspring, heirs according to promise.” 

Knowing what we do now about woman's original intent, and the consequences of The Fall, how does this truth affect the way we live now? 

More to come!

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[1] Judges 4-5

[2] The Book of Ruth

[3] The Book of Esther

[4] Joshua 2, 6

From Inferior to Extraordinary Pt. 2

We’ll begin the second part of this series with the creation of man, according to scripture. Most of us are very familiar with this story, and most of us know that familiarity can sometimes give us a bit of blindness to specific parts of a story that actually carry great significance. So we will examine parts of the creation story that are only a few words, but carry great impact in terms of women. The book of Genesis begins first with the creation of the world, and then the creation of man. God created man and then noticed that man, all by himself, was not as good as man with someone by his side. He needed a partner. God then seeks out a partner for man, first through animals. God lets Adam name each one, but even after going through every animal in creation, there was not a suitable helper to be found. God notices this and then chooses to create woman. This is described in Genesis 2:19-25.    

¹⁸ Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” ¹⁹  Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. ²⁰ The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. ²¹ So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. ²² And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. ²³ Then the man said,

“This at last is bone of my bones
            and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
    because she was taken out of Man.”

²⁴  Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. ²⁵ And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

We note from verse 2:18 that God refers to woman as the ‘helper’. When we look at the word ‘helper’ in the original Greek translation, we see the word ezer, meaning ‘one who helps’. This is pretty self explanatory, and most of us already know this quality about Eve. She was created as man’s helper. Upon reading this, this characteristic of woman isn’t very impressive. Anyone could be a helper. It’s doesn’t take much. But from what we read above, it’s obvious that Adam didn’t need just any generic helper—after all, no animal in all creation was suitable to be his helper; this tells us that God was truly creating something special when he created Eve. What did God intend when he gave woman this label? We get a better understanding of this when we look at the word ezer in other areas of scripture and see how it’s used.

We see this word used in Psalm 33:20,

“Our soul waits for the Lord;
            he is our help and our shield.”

Again in Psalm 70:5,

“But I am poor and needy;
     hasten to me, O God!
 You are my help and my deliverer;
    O Lord, do not delay!”

And again in Hosea 13:19.

“He destroys you, O Israel,
    for you are against me, against your helper.”

In a very beautiful way, we see clearly see that God uses this term to describe his relationship with Israel, his beloved. We know from scripture that God loves Israel with a fierce and undying love. God is forever forgiving, patient and gracious with them. If God refers to himself as the helper to Israel, then  refers to woman as the helper, it tells us a lot. It gives us a very clear picture of how he intended woman to relate to man, which is exactly as he related to Israel; with compassion, forgiveness, wisdom, and the thousands of other attributes that all stem from God’s main driving force in how he deals with humans—love. Woman was created to be a display of God’s love. And as most of us know, when love is received in it’s truest form, it is the most freeing and disarming thing of this world. We see this truth again in Proverbs 18:22 when Solomon states that “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” Woman was created as one who blesses and loves.

So, we can clearly see God’s intent for woman, but what can we note from the process in which God created woman? We see in Gen 3:21-25 that woman was literally pulled from the flesh of man, indicating that she has an inseparable union with him. They are meant to dwell in interdependence. We see this in 1 Corinthians 11:11-12: “Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man nor man of woman; for as woman was made from man, so man is now born of woman.” Woman is not only God’s display of love for man, but also his complement, made from his very flesh.  We can even note from 2:23 a beautiful display of poetry, one could even call it a love song, as Adam stands back and admires the work of God’s hand: “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”  After searching and searching for a partner, God has not only created him a partner, but a helper, radiant with the reflection of God’s love. Going even deeper into the text, in 3:21 we see that woman was made from one of man’s ribs. If we look at this symbolically, we can interpret this as a symbol of her equality with man. God didn’t pull her from a part of man’s foot, indicating his superiority, nor did he pull her from a part of his head, indicating her superiority. He pulled her from his side, indicating equality. Additionally, we know from human anatomy that the ribs of the human body have an incredible function—protecting one of the most vital and vulnerable organs, the heart. We can argue through this that woman was created to protect the heart of man. God had a truly exceptional and beautiful intent for woman; he created her invaluable and extraordinary. 

What happened to cause this truth to be skewed?

More to come soon.